Beware of Lies You May Be Telling Yourself.

Beware of the lies you may be telling yourself. Those lies can destroy your life. I’ve always known this fact as truth. My parents raised me under an abusive, rigid, fear-based regimen. They used religious abuse as their go-to weapon to support all of their other abusive actions. For more about religious abuse, see https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2024/02/religious-abuse-can-you-see-the-signs/.

The father who raised me (I state it this way because I have substantial reason to believe he is not my true father.) taught me of a vengeful god. This false god image stood watching for the slightest slip-up, ready to toss that person into an eternity of hellfire and brimstone. No love existed within the god that my father, a head minister, preached of. As a result, Father scared me into obedience. Always remaining truthful was a part of that obedience. Yet, no matter how honest I was, my parents still accused me of lying.

As a result, I developed a phobia of Hell. I put all my efforts into being “good.” In my struggle to remain free from their false accusation, I developed the habit of saying too much to everyone. When a person is overtly open, it breaks down healthy boundaries. For help in boundary setting, I recommend https://medium.com/@healthrivedream/reclaiming-your-personal-space-282401ba9d4e. This site is by my dear friend and colleague Karen Robinson, Founder and Executive Director of Heal Thrive Dream, LLC. Author, Speaker, Trauma Recovery Expert, Therapist, and Coach https://Healthrivedream.com.

Nicki

In Northern Maine, where I lived as a child, the Aroostook River overflowed its banks every spring as the abundant snow melted. In the spring of 1978, I found a mother woodchuck drowned by the floodwaters, leaving behind her baby. Being a natural Elly May type, I took in this orphan and named it Nicki.

I excitedly told a friend about baby Nicki. She, in return, told her mother, leaving out the crucial fact that Nicki was a woodchuck. My friend’s mother called my mother and offered baby clothes for this orphan. My parents’ embarrassment about the misinterpretation took over. To save their reputation, they severely punished me instead of understanding and clarifying the facts.

Gossip about this “lie” quickly spread through the school. Before I knew it, my classmates ruthlessly labeled me a liar. I felt as if my reputation was destroyed. None of them could have known the devastation that label caused me. The fact that my family was in the process of moving over a thousand miles away gave me comfort, yet it also took away any chance of redemption in the eyes of my classmates.

Beware of Lies You May Be Telling Yourself.

If you want a happy, good life, keep control of your tongue and guard your lips from telling lies. –1 Peter 3:10 (LB)

In my adult years, I have read this scripture about guarding your lips from telling lies many times. And each time, I’ve felt secure in my ability to remain truthful while speaking to others.

Recently, I reread The Book of Peter. When I came to this familiar verse, I got a different thought about truthfulness. Have I been as truthful as I thought all those years? Yes, I refrained from telling lies to other people, but I cannot say the same about what I have told myself. The Nicki incident would not have devastated me if I had accepted that my classmates had twisted the facts, not me. I had told the truth.

Lies I Told Myself

I spent close to three decades in a domestic abuse relationship. During most of that time, I kept my eyes closed to my surrounding reality. My action to remain in denial, daily affirmed lies to myself. My mother, an expert in this form of lying, had taught me the skill. One of her most frequent lies is still to this day, telling people how blessed I was to have been raised in a “Godly home.”

Godly homes do not submit their children to abuse. Sadly, I carried this lie into my adult life with my children’s father. I often said to people that I had an “amazing life.” I now see that I wasn’t trying to pull others into this falsehood; I was trying to convince myself.

Truth Always Reveals Itself

No matter how many years someone may devote and how much energy they use to uphold a lie, the truth will always come out. Now that I am free from abuse, I can see how my subconscious self always knew the truth. Even as a child, the truth spoke clearly to me. But unable to accept it at that time, I pushed it aside.

Aldous, from my book, The Hidden Diamond, also devoted much of his life to hiding from the truth. When you read my book, you will see how Aldous gained nothing and lost much from his efforts. Once Aldous opened his eyes and embraced reality, his life began to turn around.

Why Victims Lie to Themselves

People don’t lie only by stating falsehoods to others. Some of the most damaging lies we tell are those we speak to ourselves. Self-spoke lies will hold you captive in a hellish prison, keeping you from reaching out for a better existence. These self-told lies often originate from verbal abuse used by their abusers.

Verbal abuse reinforces every form of mistreatment an abuser inflicts upon their victims. Continuous belittling statements come in an endless supply, like “You deserved it.” “You’ll never amount to anything.” “You’re not smart enough.” “You’re ugly.” Such harmful words whittle away the victim’s self-worth. In time, the abuser’s toxic voice takes over, making it all the victim hears. The victim begins to believe these berating words and soon takes them over by saying them to themselves.

One tragic result of abuse is its ability to erode a victim’s self-esteem. Having suffered through forty-six years of childhood and domestic abuse combined, I did not escape that infliction. This wound often lasts long after a person escapes their abuser.

Due to that lack of self-esteem, I fell into the trap of speaking self-hating words to myself. A person who frequently affirms contempt for themself cannot exist in joy. A giant step in my healing consisted of giving up those damning lies and opening my eyes to the truth of the blessed person God created me to be.

Yes, open eyes see the raging storms, but they also never miss the rainbows. Pretending something does not exist doesn’t make it go away. Seeing all that is around us gives us strength.

Join Me Next Time

I invite you to join me next time as I share my thoughts on navigating life’s challenging journey.

Note to My Readers

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift here at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley.

An additional site where you can find my books is https://bkbookshoppe.com. However, if you prefer to purchase from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to break the chains of abuse. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site from which you purchased it. Your review will encourage others to seek out the path of healing.

***The Hidden Diamond*** – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

***Robin’s Gift*** – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is to fulfill her desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

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Nicki

Beware of Lies You May Be Telling Yourself.

Lies I Told Myself

Truth Always Reveals Itself

Why Victims Lie to Themselves

Join Me Next Time

Note to My Readers

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