Is It Best to Change or Surrender?

Is it best to change or surrender? When should a person surrender to surrounding circumstances, and when should someone fight for change? There is no definitive answer to this question. The response varies from person to person. Far too often, life doesn’t head in the direction hoped for. Despite this trend, to live in peace, it is important to know when to push forward for change and when to surrender.

A Time for Change

To begin my healing, I first had to let go of my childhood fantasies. This initial step of removing my “rose colored glasses” allowed my eyes to open up to the truth of how my parents had raised me. I needed to clearly see reality to set healthy boundaries between my parents and myself. Such boundary setting is another necessity to heal from abuse and live a functional life. Joining a Codependency Anonymous group is a safe, supportive place to learn proper boundaries. You can find a local chapter near you or join an online group by going to https://coda.org.

Around 2010, a loved one gave me the book Boundaries—When to Say YES, When to Say NO, to Take Control of Your Life, written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. This book was instrumental in opening my eyes and helping me to claim my power. It significantly aided me during another monumental time that required change.

That time occurred when I let go of the life I had hoped for with my abusive ex of twenty-six years. I had to recognize that if I remained in that situation, my dream would never become a reality. But first, I had to open my eyes to the truth that existed within that relationship. Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend’s book helped me to let go of the delusions that had kept me from seeing that truth. With open eyes, I could push forward and take the crucial steps to leave. For more on my story about when I left my ex, and safe tips for leaving an abusive relationship, see https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2025/11/why-not-just-leave/.

That monumental choice to leave took place on February 3^rd, 2012. I have never regretted it. That choice, that leap of faith, rewarded me with a more amazing life than I could ever have imagined—one free from abuse. But what about those times when we must surrender?

A Time for Surrender

I am currently facing a time to surrender. I’ve fought two huge battles during my lifetime, and I’ve shared many details of those battles throughout my blog posts. Those two battles, to escape abuse and my health battle, are the root sources that I utilize to write my books.

The battle to escape abuse began in my early twenties. I’m happy to say I’ve won that war and defeated that enemy. It took many years and a considerable amount of hard work, but it was worth every bit of my effort. Now, I continue to move forward, day by day, to heal at deeper levels and to support others in their healing journey. Yet, another battle still rages on. To overcome the devastating effects of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.

Being born with this devastating syndrome has affected me all my life. The weakness and limitations it caused, no doubt, provided even more opportunities for my past perpetrators to use against me as part of their abuse. This disability also produced many more obstacles for me to overcome to leave my abusive ex.

Change Sometimes Means Surrender

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is a degenerative condition. In my situation, it notably worsened with the passing of each year. With increasing symptoms come intensifying pain and loss of abilities. This past summer, my hips deteriorated significantly. I now deal with pain so great that even with prescription pain medicines, the pain has caused me to pass out. Breathing techniques that I used during the births of my four children, I’ve found, now help me to deal with this extreme pain.

I’ve fought this syndrome my entire life by pushing to function like a typical healthy person despite my limitations. This fighting attitude has helped me from giving up and giving in. But when is it time to surrender? Am I putting myself in more pain by my tendency to push forward? My hope for a functional future continues to motivate me.

Pushing forward has rewarded me in the past. I spent about a decade in a wheelchair due to this syndrome, but I successfully pushed myself out of that chair and once again walked unaided. See https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/revealing-my-healing-the-miraculous-truth/. However, this time it is different. This time, the pain is significantly worse. Tests have revealed that the ligaments and other connective tissues in my hips and pelvic region are ripping and deteriorating. All the doctors I’ve seen say that nothing can be done to reverse this.

My current situation has caused me to fight a new battle, the battle of acceptance. Acceptance means surrendering to a deeper trust in my Savior. To surrender, I must hold onto the faith that God knows my suffering and loves me enough to give me a beautiful future despite my physical limitations.

To see more Crystalisms, visit https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Is It Best to Change or Surrender?

I’ve often been told that the joy I radiate, regardless of my suffering, inspires others. Every time someone says this to me, it encourages me to press on. Does this mean I should continue to push for change, or should I surrender?

I believe God is the master of turning hardships and trials into blessings. All we need to do to receive these blessings is place our trust in our Lord and surrender. I want my suffering to be a blessing to others. The suffering of abuse that I’ve endured sprouted into a writing ministry. The suffering caused by Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome became a testimony to others that, regardless of pain and physical loss, a person can remain cheerful. These two battles together testify to the fact that whatever occurs in a person’s life, joy can be found.

Over these past six months, I’ve battled depression due to the intense pain, loss of ability, and the amount of time I must spend resting. However, I am encouraged by all the comments people have given me about my blogs and social media posts, informing me that my efforts have brought joy and aided their healing process. Taking everything into consideration, I chose to surrender. I feel secure in this choice because I know that all aspects of my life are in God’s loving hands.

Surrendering Is Change

Part of surrendering is responding when God says it is time to make a change. Maybe, for me, another time of change has come. My Savior might be encouraging me to take to heart what is stated in Titus 3:5.

“He saved us because of His mercy, and not because of any good things we have done.”— Titus 3:5 (CEV)

I admit, the little girl within me still seeks my parents’ approval. That hunger has transformed into yearning for God’s approval. I struggle to know how to filter what I do out of passion to give from what I do to satisfy that insatiable hunger. But, if I surrender to the pain instead of continuing to fight past it, maybe I will find rest in the peace of God’s love for me, not because of what I do, but because of who I am, my Savior’s beloved child.

Is there an area in your life where you need to surrender? What might that be, and what can you do to take that monumental step of change?

Upcoming Posts

I invite you to join me next time as I reveal seven steps to surrendering.

Note to My Readers

To further support your healing journey, I’ve added a direct access hotline/resource page to my website. Find it at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/resources/.

Writing is my passion. It is also an excellent healing tool. The beauty of fiction is that it allows you to create outcomes that don’t exist in the everyday world. This is why I have chosen to write my book in this genre. I pray that all who indulge in my written creations find entertainment and enjoyment. I also pray that you become inspired to move forward in your healing journey. May all who indulge in my written creations find entertainment, enjoyment, and inspiration to move forth in your healing journey.

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift here at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley.

***Robin’s Gift*** – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is to fulfill her desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

***The Hidden Diamond*** – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

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This Post Has 2 Comments

AI Music Generator January 1, 2026

Your experience of removing the ‘rose-colored glasses’ really resonated with me. It’s so important to face the truth of our past in order to heal and create healthier relationships moving forward.
1. Crystal MM Huntley January 6, 2026
  
  I’m happy my illustration resonated with you. As hard as it is to face reality, doing so is the only way to take control of our lives and move into a better way of existence so we no longer are victims to circumstances.

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A Time for Change

A Time for Surrender

Change Sometimes Means Surrender

Is It Best to Change or Surrender?

Surrendering Is Change

Upcoming Posts

Note to My Readers

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This Post Has 2 Comments