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Do You Compare Yourself to Others?

Do You Compare Yourself to Others?

Do you compare yourself to others? Many do. Focusing on inequality risks discrimination against yourself or someone else. I’ve engaged in far too many unfair comparisons over the years. In my situation, the contrasts my mind dwelled on were traits that elevated others while putting myself down. Every time I devalued myself in this way—or any other, for that matter— I was carrying on the abuse that others from my past had done to me.

Children learn their inner value from their parents. If someone’s parents are unable to emphasize the God-given value installed in their children, those children will grow up with a crippling handicap. Such lies diminish their children’s value. Like ripples in a pond, they spread out vastly, distorting the clear, true image of what lies beneath. The task of accepting inner worth then becomes the child’s responsibility to learn. But an obstacle to learning inner value is the damaging lies they had been taught. One must first reject those lies.

Do You Compare Yourself to Others?
Do You Compare Yourself to Others?

To see more Crystalisms, visit  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

I’ve come a long way along my journey to discover my inner value, but the path has been lengthy and filled with challenges. Even today, I still stumble over obstacles hurled in my way. I continue to fight the temptation to compare myself with others, which, in my case, consequently diminishes my worth. Such temptation hit me hard the other day.

The Harm of Comparison

From how I was raised, combined with twenty-six years with my children’s father, I accepted a lie that effectively stripped away my self-worth. That lie said that my parents and my ex’s actions, no matter how atrocious, were always justified; however, under no circumstances were my actions allowed as valid excuses. Illness or injury was never a reason enough to warrant proper care, attention, or understanding. Standing up for myself was never allowed. No matter what, I always had to perform perfectly in their eyes.

Decades of such treatment led me to believe that God had created me flawed. That others had been granted the gift of grace, but not me. This damaging way of thinking led to intense self-hatred. Such self-contempt tightly binds a person. It increases the challenge of cutting through the chains that entrap them.

As a result, I’ve always greatly respected people with a strong sense of self. Recently, I read a post from one of those people. She bravely revealed to the world the many health challenges she had endured over the past year. With her disclosure, she listed multiple areas where she triumphed despite that time of illness, putting me in awe of her ability to hold herself up with such strength and worth. She wasn’t bragging; she instead radiated with confidence, a trait I’ve always desired.

Do You Compare Yourself to Others?

Even as I write this post, I recognize that I’m still short-changing myself by comparing myself to this person. No matter how well I know this person, I will never know her most inner wrestling. She may appear strong on the surface, but none of us sees the iceberg’s mass beneath the waves. I must give myself grace.

One reason comparison is so ineffective is that we all began our race in life from different starting points. I may not be as advanced on the self-confidence scale as this person is; however, I may have traveled further from my starting point. That fact deserves credit. I must also give myself grace with the knowledge that I could not do what I am doing in my writing mission if I had not grown and healed significantly.

Years ago, I opened my eyes to the truth of what my parents gave me, and seeing its dysfunction, I did not accept it. Instead, I searched for another way and worked to incorporate much better methods of existence into my life. This work deserves credit.

A person’s success is not measured by what they accomplished. True success is measured by the opposition a person has encountered and the courage they used to maintain their struggle against overwhelming odds. My success falls under this definition, and by accepting that success, I can help others succeed better. The same can be said about anyone, even you.

No One Can Give You What You Must Do for Yourself.

I prayed for years for help to break out of those binding chains. I sought validation from others. No amount of approval, compassion, or understanding could quench my thirst. It never could suffice because while such things are helpful, no one can give another what they must do for themselves. A strong sense of self-worth must radiate from my core, or else all the validation others give will seep through me like water draining from a sieve.

Another Form of Damaging Comparison

Another form of damaging comparison I had participated in during my younger years was comparing blessings. I frequently focused on things others had that I lacked. This comparison began when, as a young child, I saw the wall-to-wall pile of gifts a friend of mine received one Christmas morning, whereas my packages numbered in the single digits. Experiences like this reinforced my false belief that others had more value than I.

This harmful way of viewing the world continued into my younger adult years. Each time I coveted what another had, it blinded me to what I had. No wonder the Bible tells us in Exodus 20:17 not to covet. We cannot receive the joy and blessings God intends for us while pining for what someone else has.

Since then, I’ve learned that God gives each of us what we need. I can rejoice in what God has placed in my life, knowing that my personal Savior recognizes my every need and fulfills it perfectly. Our Heavenly Parent does the same for us all because our Lord loves us equally. We only need to trust in our Savior’s timing and be willing to receive those blessings.

Clear out the Weeds

Like weeds in a garden, negative thoughts crop up faster than positive ones. If they are not pulled out, they can overtake an entire garden. For more on this subject, see https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2023/06/even-a-jumbled-mess-can-be-beautiful/. To fully eradicate those unwanted thoughts, like the weed, it must be dug out by the roots. The most effective way to fight unwanted weeds is to cultivate a daily habit of setting your mind on that which nurtures you.

Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. – Philippians 4:8 (BRG)

This is the blessing of Thanksgiving. It provides an annual reminder to focus on the blessings in our lives rather than the trials. I believe we are called to count our blessings because it strengthens us, whereas the opposite action weakens us.

Upcoming Posts

I invite you to join me next time to explore the benefits of using anger constructively.

Note to My Readers

To further support your healing journey, I’ve added a direct access hotline/resource page to my website. You can view it at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/resources/.

Writing is my passion. It is also an excellent healing tool. The beauty of fiction is that it allows you to create outcomes that don’t exist in the everyday world. This is why I have chosen to write my book in this genre. I pray that all who indulge in my written creations find entertainment and enjoyment. I also pray that you become inspired to move forward in your healing journey. May all who indulge in my written creations find entertainment, enjoyment, and inspiration to move forth in your healing journey.

Hopefully, you have received value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift here at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley.

Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is to fulfill her desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?
The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

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