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Be Your Best Advocate!

Be Your Best Advocate!

What does it mean to be your best advocate? For generations, our society has used fairy tales and similar narratives to reinforce the crippling image of the “damsel in distress” rescued by “Prince Charming.” Though such well-known stories provide entertainment, they can also be immensely damaging. They teach a concept that, if believed, can strip a person of self-empowerment.

I grew up believing in and seeking out that fairy-tale story, indulging in fantasy as an escape from my reality. I distinctly remember, one day, gazing out of my car window, devastated by the realization that those fairy tales bore no reflection of reality.

The reality is that no one else can come and save you. Life is challenging and takes effort, dedication, and responsibility. If someone stays isolated, like Rapunzel in her tower, their personal growth can stall. Wishing for someone to come and rescue you can trap you in your own limitations.

Ren

I know well and dearly love someone who has built one of these self-made prisons. For today’s purpose, I’ll call her Ren. I’ve known Ren for over a decade. She holds a special place in my heart. I continue to ache for her and the choices she’s made in her adult life. Like so many, Ren has known the devastating effects of abuse. She’s dealt with her own collection of struggles as she’s attempted to build a life after abuse. But Ren is enwrapped in a pattern of behavior that keeps her trapped in dysfunction well beyond having separated herself from her abuser.

Ren’s own actions have become her worst enemies. She remains a victim as she carries on with the abuse mentality taught to her during her childhood years. Her abusers are no longer people from her past. Now Ren has become her own abuser as she continues to choose the attitude of helplessness instead of the healing course. Ren sits back and waits for her “prince charming” to rescue her while she refuses all forms of positive help that cross her path.

Active Participation

True help is not just handed to a person; it requires active participation, often forcing the person to stretch out of their comfort zone. This cooperative dance provides necessary growth, turning clumsy movements into beautiful choreography as graceful steps are learned. But Ren has refused to join in on the dance. Instead, she has found contentment in familiarity. As a result, Ren rejects help that requires her to stretch out of her familiar surroundings. She’s proven to us many times that she would rather starve than step into the unknown to receive healthy food.

Just because someone has physically left an abusive situation, as Ren did many years back, that doesn’t mean they are mentally and emotionally free. Far too often, the physically freed person continues to follow those mental pathways deeply etched in their brains. Each time they retrace this well-known path, their comfort zone, they reinforce the abusive damage received earlier in their life. For more on this, I invite you to visit https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2026/08/can-habits-hinder-your-healing/.

Rich and I have attempted to guide Ren toward many resources that would help her find a way out of her predicament. Not only have we given her fish for the day, but we have attempted to teach her how to fish. Like the Biblically based quote,

“Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for life.” 

Help Yourself

Yet, after years of effort, invested emotions and resources, I’ve learned that it’s impossible to help someone who refuses to help themselves. Instead of grabbing the lifelines we’ve extended to Ren, she continues arguing for her limitations. She doesn’t want to do the work necessary to grant her freedom. Instead, she wants us to become her “prince charming” and rescue her. She doesn’t understand that every rescue act cripples her.

Like the butterfly, ready to hatch from its cocoon. If someone well-meaning comes along and breaks open the cocoon attempting to help this freeing process, they end up doing far more harm than good. Their act of “goodwill” robs the insect of its vital opportunity to strengthen its wings. Ultimately, the weakened butterfly will perish.

Back to the fish illustration: Ren responds by giving us the silent treatment whenever we offer to teach her to fish instead of just handing her the fish she wants. Each time this happens, I’m reminded of the value of tough love.

Sadly, the person who argues for their limitations gains them. For the sake of my own heart, I’ve had to create an emotional distance with Ren. I must accept that continuing to offer fish to someone who refuses to learn the skill of fishing does not help them; it enables them.

Be Your Best Advocate!

Healing from a past of emotional abuse is hard work and takes huge commitment. It’s not a task for the faint-hearted. Nothing is easy about choosing this path, but it’s the only avenue toward freedom. The alternative to that freedom is a lifetime of being trapped in a prison and ultimately passing the abusive mindset and actions onto others. This is how generational chains of abuse are formed. The only way to keep from forging more links onto that chain is to throw out those fantasies, face reality, and commit to taking the healing path.

My daughter has thanked me countless times for the work I’ve done to sever links on our generational chain of abuse. She’s assured me that because of my efforts, she’s carried the work on even further. As a result, her children are reaping the benefits of growing up in a healthy, abuse-free home.

Even though the unknown can be frightening, it’s the only place that provides torches of hope. Let me remind you that no one ever needs to travel this path alone. Unlike past generations, today’s world is filled with resources and skilled individuals to walk beside you along the way.  I’m committed to being one of those helpful aids. This is why I continue to write these blog posts: to provide resources for anyone who wants to heal from the effects of abuse. For safe places to reach out to as you take your healing journey, I also list multiple hotline numbers, found at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/resources/.

Are You Willing to Help Yourself?

Remember, no one can help you unless you are willing to help yourself. The first step toward healing is recognizing the problem. The second step is commitment to yourself to do the work. We are all given only one life on God’s beautiful Earth. I fully believe that God provides each of us with all we need not only to make it, but to thrive. But to do so, you must actively participate and claim the precious life God gifted you with. You deserve a joyous, productive life. Grasp onto that gift and make the best of it.

Be Your Best Advocate!
Be Your Best Advocate!

Upcoming Posts

I invite you to join me next time to explore the many masks of fear and how these masks can stop a person’s healing.

Note to My Readers

To further support your healing journey, I’ve added a direct access hotline/resource page to my website. You can view it at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/resources/.

Writing is my passion. It is also an excellent healing tool. The beauty of fiction is that it allows you to create outcomes that don’t exist in the everyday world, which is why I chose to write my book in this genre. May all of you who indulge in my written creations find entertainment, enjoyment, and inspiration to move forward in your healing journey.

I hope you have gained value from this blog post. If so, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift here at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley.

Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is to have her desire to be loved fulfilled. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?
The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

Alexandra All souls are priceless no matter their past. A personal reason to testify. Assure myself with a pep talk. Boundaries Breaking Out Breathe into the space of peace. Complex CPTSD Continue to write for God. Disclosure Discover My Newest Post Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Forgiveness Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift God chooses. Hope How I got out of the wheelchair. Invite Keep up the good work. Master New Skills My Escape Story My Mission My Story Note To My Readers Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Share my healing journey. Taboo topics have infiltrated people. Take the Challenge Thank you. The Behind Story The Effects Gaslighting Had on Me The Hidden Diamond Transcend into healthy boundaries. Upcoming Posts We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know. Why I Share Why I Write Writing Is My Passion Writing Mirrors Life You Are Worthy! Your Gain “When I am weak then I am strong.”

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