How to Take Control of Your Life

Do you know how to take control of your life, or does helplessness keep you a victim of circumstances and others’ whims? Seasoned abusers gain control over their victims by convincing them that they are powerless. Sadly, a powerless mentality remains prevalent. I once heard, “When you argue for your limitations, they become your reality.” I’ve watched this prediction play out multiple times in the lives of countless people.

One of the many lasting effects abuse has on a person is that it robs them of their belief that they have control over their own lives. This crippling mentality gets passed down through generations; one more example of the forged, binding chain of abuse. Following the “road of least resistance” passes this chain link onto future generations. A person can only be set free by recognizing that this link exists and actively severing it.

Taking Control of Your Life

When someone feels out of control in their life, they tend to gain control in other, unhealthy ways. One way I did this during my teen and young adult years was through anorexic behavior. I explain more about how I became anorexic at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2025/09/body-shaming-is-abuse/.

The abuse I endured robbed me of control in multiple areas, but looking back, I see how my self-restriction of food gave me a much-needed area in my life where I could take charge. My need for control over at least one aspect of my life added fuel to my parents’ actions that ultimately manifested into anorexia. They equated body size with worth, which made it easy for me to develop this issue that has followed me most of my life.

Working my way out of that anorexic mentality has been a long, hard uphill battle. Only within this past year have I started to see beauty in myself at a healthy weight. Breaking such securely forged chains takes decades of conscious work. It’s no wonder so many choose the much easier path of going with the flow of dysfunction, regardless of its limitations and continued damaging effects.

Acceptance

I’ve referred to Ren frequently as an example in many of my blogs, such as

https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2026/08/be-your-best-advocate/

https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2026/09/is-fear-stopping-you/.

I find it frustrating when someone I love argues for their limitations instead of working their way out of their troubles. Ren’s actions have taught me that no matter how much I love someone, I cannot control their behavior. And every time I attempt to, my well-meaning effort ends up robbing me of inner peace and harmony. A part of loving someone is accepting them for who they are, even if they choose actions that harm themselves. At times like this, healthy boundaries must become a priority.

Ren

Ren has again informed us of her extreme poverty needs. In the past, she would come right out and ask for money. She often declared dire consequences if we didn’t give in to her request. It wasn’t hard to see that Ren has no intention of doing her part to better her circumstances. She has surrendered control of her lifestyle, claiming victimhood.

Interestingly, while Ren surrenders to this helpless mentality, she attempts to use guilt to control us into fulfilling her wants and needs. During a recent conversation, as she spelled out her grim situation, I reminded her that she has received valuable items that she no longer needs or wants. She could easily sell these resources online for a decent amount of money. Instead of jumping at the opportunity, Ren responded with a string of excuses why she can’t do this and why it won’t work. She even refused to attempt it.

This isn’t the first time that Rich and I have attempted to steer Ren toward helpful resources that would improve her living situation. I’ve concluded that Ren wants to remain in the desperate living conditions she is currently in. But why would someone do this? Despite how dysfunctional this familiar space may be, remaining there may give her a sense of control. Despite how limiting and unhealthy her method is, her need for control rules over her desire to fight for a better life.

Lessons Learned

No matter how challenging Ren has been in my life, watching her has helped me grow in my own healing. The more I see her argue for her limitations, the more emphatic I become about speaking out for myself and gaining freedom from the residual effects of past abuse. I’ve learned a lot of lessons from Ren. Her relationship to me is close enough to affect my life and, at the same time, removed enough that my emotions toward her do not cloud my vision. Here are some of the more subtle abusive actions of controlling others I’ve learned to look for in people as a result of my relationship with Ren and others like her.

They attempt to guilt you into doing what they want.
They falsely claim their actions are boundaries when they bully you.
When confronted, they play the victim.
They know how to make a specific person feel bad, and they use that knowledge against them.
They keep a running score of your actions and behaviors.
When receiving something from them, a sense of obligation overshadows gratitude.
They rewrite history to make themselves blameless.
Their attention toward you increases when you pull away.
When you don’t give them what they want, they give you “the silent treatment.”
They use every opportunity possible to remind you of their sacrifices.
They isolate you from others and the world while feigning concern for your well-being.
When you make decisions, they must approve them.

Take Control of Your Life

To see more Crystalisms, visit https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Abuse has affected far too many of us. That is a fact. However, no matter the severity of abuse, each of us has a choice. Will you become a prisoner to your circumstances and use your time to foster bitterness and anger, plotting revenge? Or will you use that time, gifted to us all, to learn the skills that help you claim your life? Will you allow your experiences to strengthen your faith so you can forgive and be set free to move on to a better life? Some things exist in life that no one can take from another. The choice I just described is one of them.

“Today, I want the sky and the earth to hear what I have said to you. I have told you what you may choose. You may choose life or death. You may choose the Lord to bless you or to curse you. Choose life today, so that you and your descendants will live!” — Deuteronomy 30:19 (EASY)

Upcoming Posts

I invite you to join me next time to discover how to forgive someone while remaining safe from future harm.

Note to My Readers

To further support your healing journey, I’ve added a direct access hotline/resource page to my website. You can view it at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/resources/.

Writing is my passion. It is also an excellent healing tool. The beauty of fiction is that it allows me to create outcomes that don’t exist in the everyday world. This opportunity is why I’ve chosen to write my books in this genre. May all of you who indulge in my written creations find entertainment, enjoyment, and inspiration to move forth in your healing journey.

I hope you have found value in this blog post. If so, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift here at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley.

***Robin’s Gift*** – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is to fulfill her desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

***The Hidden Diamond*** – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

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Taking Control of Your Life

Acceptance

Ren

Lessons Learned

Take Control of Your Life

Upcoming Posts

Note to My Readers

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