Seven Steps to Surrendering

Do you know these seven steps to surrendering? In my last post, I explored whether it is best to change or to surrender. At times when surrendering is the best choice, do you have what is necessary to do so? To surrender, one must let go and learn to trust. Trust that your Higher Power has your best interests in mind and embrace needed change. Most of us feel most secure when remaining in control. So how does someone surrender? Here are seven steps to help you.

Step One: Acceptance

People have asked me how I remain so happy after everything I’ve gone through, first the extreme abuse, and now the devastating effects of this disability. Few see my moments when I’m grappling to hold onto joy and faith for my future. Much of my life, my go-to method has been to fight through my pain, either emotional from abuse, or physical. I tend to push forth regardless, often to my detriment.

I’m learning that continuing to press forward at times when surrendering would better serve me can cause me more harm than good. Due to this newer insight, I’m now working on acceptance, the first tool needed to surrender. I’m learning to accept that my natural tendencies don’t always serve me best.

Step Two: Distraction

When my attention is drawn to my chronic, intense hip pain, to battle it, I distract myself by focusing on the many blessings around me. I’ve discovered this method to be an effective survival tactic. Distraction doesn’t mean ignoring the reality of what is currently happening. It means keeping the negative from consuming me.

As I’ve mastered the practice of distraction, I’ve discovered that no matter how bad things get, more blessings always surround me than hardships. But when we only focus on the hardships, we become blind to those many blessings.

Denying those blessings keeps you from receiving their benefits and is a sure way to plummet into depression.

People in pain naturally push others away. I must watch myself as my pain level rises, so I don’t become snippy toward Rich. His love for me never decreases—a true blessing—but during my high-pain moments, it can become difficult for me to receive his love.

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Like Rich’s love for me, God’s love never wavers. Imagine our Savior’s blessings pouring out through a sacred hose. Our Heavenly Parent keeps clear the spicket’s flow of love and blessings. However, if we place a finger over the end of the hose we hold, it displaces the water’s outpour. Likewise, our attitudes and actions can impede the opening of our Savior’s flow.

Do your attitudes and actions support an open flow of blessings, or do they act as an obstruction by forming a clog that keeps blessings from reaching you?

Abuse changes a person’s attitudes. It acts like a finger held over the end of a hose, restraining outflow. After years of maintaining control with our finger over the output end of the hose, how do we release it? We release it with trust.

Step Three: Trust

One of the greatest harms that abuse inflicts upon victims is eroding their ability to trust. Trust is necessary to heal fully. Some years back, an ice storm hit our area. Thick sheets of heavy ice covered the branches of our trees. The large dual trunks of a wild cherry tree, which sat in the center of our backyard, broke off at the base. We mourned the loss of that tree. However, the following spring, fresh shoots of new life grew up from the splintered stump. Today, this tree stands as a testimony, affirming vitality and life.

When life cuts you down, which it will, trust in your Savior’s love and choose to live in joy. Such trust will help you surrender and allow your Savior to resurrect new life within you, like with our cherry tree. As long as you remain here on Earth, God is not done with you yet.

“We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” –Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

To see more Crystalisms, visit https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Step Four: Embracing Worst Case Scenarios

Once trust has been conquered, it’s easier to embrace worst-case scenarios. Have you heard of the old adage, “hope for the best, but prepare for the worst?” Hoping for the best is a form of distraction; however, realistically, the best does not always happen. The distraction of focusing on blessings simultaneously will prepare you for the worst and build confidence that no matter what happens, you have the ability to handle it. It opens you up to blessings that flow from such hardships.

Step Five: Acceptance

Accepting the limitations of your power goes a long way in your ability to surrender. CoDA https://coda.org and other twelve-step groups base their programs on the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

By accurately identifying where you have control and where you don’t, you can have better acceptance, which allows you to surrender to those areas that you can’t control. Then you can focus more on what you can do and place your energies there. Exercising your power in areas where you can succeed builds your self-worth, which in turn strengthens your inner joy.

Step Six: Letting Go of Attachment

We all build attachments to things that are familiar to us and often resist change; however, change is inevitable. Embracing the fact that change happens helps us to let go with less resistance. This act again removes the finger from the output flow of Divine blessings. We must first let go to receive, like a leap of faith.

Step Seven: Grieving Loss

One of the struggles I’ve faced due to the abuse and from living with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is the many losses I’ve experienced. Abuse took away far too many aspects of my childhood, a sense of security, dreams of healthy relationships with my parents and other family members, hopes for my children, and much, much more.

Ehlers-Danlos robbed me of the physical abilities needed to continue with activities I loved, like painting. drawing, playing the piano, crocheting, biking, and hiking. The list gets longer each year. With each loss, I grieve a death much like the death of a loved one. I must give myself compassion and work through the five stages of grief. This committed work keeps me from becoming stuck in any one stage. For further information on these five stages of grief, see Understanding the Five Stages of Grief.

Robin’s Gift

In my book, Robin’s Gift, Natalie had a burning ceremony to rid herself of her past. For more on this, see Did You Know that Value Exists in All Painful Pasts? – Crystal M. M. Huntley. Natalie also rejected Robin’s efforts to contact her. But did the burning ceremony work? And why would Natalie reject Robin when she had always shown Natalie love? The answers to these questions lie in the effects abuse has on a person. Abuse shatters a person’s ability to trust, sadly, even those who have always been trustworthy.

Like Natalie, I had to work hard at regaining trust and learning who to trust and who to protect myself from with healthy boundaries. I could not have succeeded in this step without surrendering during appropriate moments. So, I ask you, where do you need to surrender? I pray these seven steps help you along the way.

Upcoming Posts

I invite you to join me next time to explore ways to overcome defensive behaviors.

Note to My Readers

To further support your healing journey, I’ve added a direct access hotline/resource page to my website. Find it at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/resources/.

Writing is my passion. It is also an excellent healing tool. The beauty of fiction is that it allows you to create outcomes that don’t exist in the everyday world. This is why I have chosen to write my book in this genre. May all who indulge in my written creations find entertainment, enjoyment, and inspiration to move forth in your healing journey.

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley.

***Robin’s Gift*** – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is to fulfill her desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

***The Hidden Diamond*** – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

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This Post Has 2 Comments

AI Text to Music January 15, 2026

This is a timely exploration! I’m particularly interested in how you define the necessary “letting go” required for surrender versus stubborn resistance. What’s the key differentiator?
1. Crystal MM Huntley January 16, 2026
  
  In my own healing, I’ve discovered that when I hold onto negative emotions, like hatred and deep seeded anger, I’m resisting healing. Whereas letting go frees me so I can grow and healing.

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