How to Spot When Someone Is Gaslighting You.

Are you unsure how to spot when someone is gaslighting you? In my previous two posts, I explored what Gaslighting is https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2026/04/is-someone-gaslighting-you/ and typical behavioral traits of someone who engages in gaslighting, https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2026/04/what-are-typical-gaslighting-behaviors/.

Gaslighting is psychological manipulation where the abuser plants seeds of doubt to confuse their victim. As those seeds germinate, the victim questions their own perception of reality. Someone who has been gaslighted loses confidence in their ability to trust their own memories and reasoning skills. Gaslighting erodes a person’s self-esteem. It is a strategically honed tactic to make a victim dependent on the abuser.

To help you detect if someone is gaslighting you, I’m providing this list of ten ways to spot this malevolent form of manipulation.

Five Ways to Spot When Someone Is Gaslighting You.

Pay attention to how truthful that person is. When confronted, do they lie? Do you walk away from interactions feeling dazed or confused? Do you question your perception of reality and wonder what’s wrong with you? If so, you are probably being gaslighted.
Does someone refuse to listen to you? Do they insist your memory is flawed and that they remember things much better than you do? Do they cause you to question your credibility while excusing their own actions and refusing accountability? If so, you are probably being gaslighted.
Do you apologize for things you’re not responsible for? Is a fear of disappointing others consuming you? Do you second-guess yourself and wonder if you’re not remembering accurately? Are you afraid of making mistakes? Do you lack self-confidence? Do you feel vulnerable, insecure, and inferior to others? If so, you are probably being gaslighted.
Is someone around you constantly changing the rules? Do they claim “valid reasons” to break these rules, but regardless of the circumstances, refuse to allow you such leniency? Is your loyalty questioned, even when you go to great extremes to remain faithful? Is nothing you do ever good enough? Do you feel inadequate? Instead of being yourself, do you attempt to live up to the expectations of others, even when unreasonable? If so, you are probably being gaslighted.
Do you feel alone, powerless, trapped, and isolated? Are you convinced no one understands you, that they think you’re “crazy,” “unstable,” or imagining things? If so, you are probably being gaslighted.

Five More Ways to Spot When Someone Is Gaslighting You.

Are you anxious, confused, and insecure? Do you suffer from a sense of impending doom without knowing why? Do you fear what may happen if you act, react, or speak “incorrectly?” Is this person unpredictable, and you can’t trust how they will react? Do you not trust your instincts? Are you consumed with self-doubt and guilt? Do you hunger for validation from this other person? If so, you are probably being gaslighted.
Is it unsafe to speak up? Do you question your judgment, intelligence, and perceptions? Instead of speaking freely, do you spend time and effort preparing to ensure you use “correct” wordage, eliminating any chance of misinterpretation? No matter how carefully you choose your words, do the results leave you feeling regret? Are you afraid to express your opinions, especially those that differ from those of another person? After interacting with this person, do you berate yourself for saying or doing things incorrectly? If so, you are probably being gaslighted.
Do you doubt your reality? Do you try to convince yourself that this other person’s treatment of you isn’t that bad? Is someone calling you “oversensitive?” If so, you are probably being gaslighted.
Are you afraid of decision-making because you don’t trust yourself? Do you trust that others know more and are more capable than you? If so, you are probably being gaslighted.
Can you pinpoint specific behavior patterns with this person? Do your interactions cycle from tension to heavy denial, then close for a brief calm season, only to loop back to the starting point and begin the cycle again? If so, you are probably being gaslighted.

To see more Crystalisms, visit https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Past Gaslighting Effects the Present

As I stated before, gaslighting destroys a person’s self-esteem. I’m still working on repairing the immense damage abusers of my past have done to my self-esteem. I’ve had frequent moments where I’ve felt confident in something simple, like remembering to turn off a light. Then Rich will ask me, “Did you turn that light off?” Inevitably, that innocent question fills me with doubt and overwhelming fear as I panic that my memory may have been wrong. My reaction to Rich’s blameless question has nothing to do with him or the current situation. It results from the damage that occurred to me over previous decades from others who used gaslighting as a foundational form of abuse.

Early detection of someone gaslighting you is crucial. Taking steps to protect yourself against this abuse protects your mental health and restores your trust in your own judgment. Such elements are precious commodities. Don’t let anyone steal them away.

How to Handle Being Gaslighted

What do you do when you recognize the signs someone is gaslighting you?

Keep a record of events when you feel that you are being gaslighted. Doing so can help you track patterns to look for. Looking back at your documented interactions provides clarity and affirms that your thinking is sound, even though the person who’s gaslighting tells you otherwise.
Seek help from trusted friends or family. Tell your doctor. They can recommend a therapist equipped to help you.
Set boundaries. Co-Dependents Anonymous: https://coda.org – 1-888-444-2359 offers excellent resources for learning safe and effective boundaries.
Validate that you know yourself better than anyone else. You know your reality, thoughts, and feelings. Don’t allow anyone else, regardless of who they are, to tell you differently.

If you must interact with someone who is gaslighting you, stand firm without being controversial, which will fuel them on. Tell them you each see things differently. “Your reality is your reality, and my reality is my reality.” You will never change the gaslighter’s perception, regardless of how false it may be. Another helpful phrase to keep your perception intact without instigating an argument is “I appreciate that that’s your reality”. Whatever you do, trust your feelings and instincts. No one knows you better than you do. Don’t let someone convince you differently.

The Effects Gaslighting Had on Me

I recall when I lived with my ex, believing he would see reason, even though he so often proved he wouldn’t. I’d walk away from confrontations feeling at fault. I accepted responsibility for the argument, thinking my poor choice of words caused it. As a result, when I needed to speak with my ex, I’d spend hours rehearsing, in my head and on paper. I did this to make certain that when I spoke to him, my efforts would result in successful communication. It took me decades to see that it didn’t matter how I worded things. My ex had no desire to communicate: He wanted to control.

I’ve found that when someone gaslights me, asking for details has helped me hold onto my sanity. In the early 2000’s, while attending marriage counselling with my now ex, he complained that I never did specific things he asked for. The counselor asked him to specify. My ex squirmed in his chair, then blurted out, “If she loved me, she’d know!” Even when pressed, he refused to give further explanation. The ridiculous fact that he expected me to read his mind finally sank in, squashing the harmful effects his statement otherwise might have had on me.

Gaslighting is a malicious form of abuse. If you or someone you love is being gaslighted, there are many places where you can seek help. One place is the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration National Helpline: https://www.samhsa.gov/mental-health/children-and-families/school-health/resources. For more places to seek help, see my Blog hotline/resource page: https://crystalmmhuntley.com/resources/.

Upcoming Posts

I invite you to join me next time to explore why not to forget when forgiving.

Note to My Readers

To further support your healing journey, I’ve added a direct access hotline/resource page to my website. You can view it at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/resources/.

Writing is my passion. It is also an excellent healing tool. The beauty of fiction is that it allows you to create outcomes that don’t exist in the everyday world. This is why I have chosen to write my book in this genre. May all who indulge in my written creations find entertainment, enjoyment, and inspiration to move forth in your healing journey.

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley.

***Robin’s Gift*** – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is to fulfill her desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

***The Hidden Diamond*** – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

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Five Ways to Spot When Someone Is Gaslighting You.

Five More Ways to Spot When Someone Is Gaslighting You.

Past Gaslighting Effects the Present

How to Handle Being Gaslighted

The Effects Gaslighting Had on Me

Upcoming Posts

Note to My Readers

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