Revealing why running from abuse is never enough. Life is a series of choices you must make and be willing to work to receive the benefits. I have found truth in that old sentiment that nothing of value arises from that which comes easily. The person who works diligently for something gains a sense of pride in their achievement. And with that gain, they are more likely to protect what they acquired.
The same concept holds when escaping abuse to seek a better life. No one can solely run from abuse and break free from its devastating effects. It is necessary to make a permanent change, or they will fall right back into those same old patterns etched within the recesses of their mind. In my July 10th, 2024, blog “What Is the Best Ultimate Choice for You Today?” https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/what-is-the-best-ultimate-choice-for-you-today/↗, I wrote about the value found in seeking and receiving help. But what exactly does effective help look like?
No Quick Way Out Exist.
Making the essential changes to escape an abusive situation requires work. No quick, easy way out exists, though many tend to think it does. Whether you are escaping an abusive relationship or seeking change in some other, less crucial area—for example, a move or a career change—such reshaping of your life requires both a physical and mental repositioning. You may physically relocate to a different state. But if your mind continues to hold onto the mapwork of your old town, you will never successfully navigate the streets surrounding your new residence.
This same philosophy holds true when fleeing an abusive situation. Let’s use who I will call Sally as an example. After more than a decade of marriage to an abusive spouse, Sally gathered her inner strength and broke away, seeking safety within a friend’s home. Sally mistakenly believed receiving help meant leaving her spouse and moving in with someone else. Yes, that act might give her a place to stay, protected from her abuser, but it alone does not protect her from abuse.
How Someone Becomes a Victim
Becoming a victim of abuse, under most circumstances, does not occur by chance. The abuser, usually subconsciously, seeks out their victim through people whose mentality makes them easy prey. In other words, the victim’s method of thought and action is attractive to abusers. I will use myself as an example here. My parents raised me to be subservient to authority figures, my elders, and men. They also taught me to never question nor think for myself. These traits, if not unlearned, made me the perfect prey for any abuser.
After some decades with my ex, I began observing confident women, wanting to be more like them. One day, I pointed out someone who embodied this trait to my ex, telling him of my wish. He responded, “If you acted boldly like that, I would have nothing to do with you.” He said this in a threatening way. I now understand that his comment inadvertently revealed the difference between those who were groomed as a victim, as I was and those who weren’t.
When a person has been groomed into a victim, they cannot just leave their abuser and be safe. Sure, they may have physically left a dangerous situation, but without a transformation of thoughts, that liberated person will soon fall right back into the abusive trap of yet another abuser.
We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know.
Now, back to Sally. Sally was also groomed. We don’t know what we don’t know. Sally’s way of being to her seemed normal. Because that mythology was all she knew, she could not conceive of any other way of existence. Someone cannot learn without proper resources to teach them what they do not yet know. The same rings true with Sally. To escape mentally, Sally must learn a different way of being. Without that education, Sally, in time, will find herself trapped in yet another abusive relationship, and that pattern will continue to repeat itself.
The Benefits of a Shelter
Here lies a gift a shelter provides. Not only does the domestic violence shelter protect victims from their abusers, but it also offers classes to educate its residents on ways to shift their mentality so they no longer fall into the worn trenches of victim behavior.
Sally had gained the drive to escape her abuser physically; however, she lacked the desire to learn skills that would point her in a new direction. I tried explaining this to Sally, but she wasn’t ready to take this second, crucial step toward freedom.
Picture a dirt road with wide trenches carved into the landscape due to the multiple vehicles that, countless times, followed over that exact path. In time, those trenches, if not smoothed out, will deepen to the extent that requires considerable effort to drive out of those grooves.
Breaking Out
To many, driving over that same road is like forming a habit. It is impossible to permanently succeed at stopping a habit. The repeated action must be unlearned and replaced with something different. If someone takes care to straddle the gullies as they drive over this same road, they can keep their tires from becoming trapped within those depressions. That is until they hit a stone the wrong way, knocking their vehicle into the trap of those grooves.
In life, repeating the same action again and again creates such trenches within a person’s mind. Even if you step out, you cannot avoid the habit you have formed. A small obstacle in your path will plummet you back in. To permanently escape, you must first fill those trenches so they no longer become a threat. You do this by broadening your knowledge in new, healthier ways of existence. A shelter provides a plethora of resources to help fill such trenches. So, by the time a resident is ready to leave, they do so, walking on solid ground.
To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.
Hands that tightly clutch a book filled with pages that reflect past, ineffective ways of existence cannot grasp ahold of a new book without first letting go of the old. Take courage and release your grip on those old ways that no longer serve you, then step out into a new, better mythology of life.
Note To My Readers
Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can buy The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY-the-BOOK https://www.amazon.com/s?i=digital-. Two additional sites where you can find my books are https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.
Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.
Advancing My Healing Journey A Reinterpretation Back to the Basics Blessings Surround Us Boundaries Breaking Out Breathe into the space of peace. Christmas Complex CPTSD Don’t Get Stuck. Excerpt from The Hidden Diamond Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Glorify God Through Your Challenges. Happenings or Interpretations? Hiding From Ourselves Hope Invite Listen to the Soft Whisper. Master New Skills Note To My Readers Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Rock Climbing Seek Understanding Shame Has No Place Summer’s Story Surrender Surrendering Take a Step Back. Take the Challenge The Choice Is Yours The Commitment to Braking Chains of Abuse The Gift of New Perspective The Hidden Diamond The Still Small Voice To My Readers Unhealed Wounds Unwittingly Harm Others. Upcoming Posts Use Caution We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know. What Is Your Lesson? Why I Write You Are Worthy!
