Do you know how suffering can become a valuable gift? I wrote this week’s blog as a piggyback to last week’s entry, https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2024/08/why-do-abuse-victims-become-defensive/.
Healthy-minded people instinctively avoid suffering. Human beings tend to consider adversity as something to avoid. Too often, Doting parents take this instinctive drive to extreme measures and do everything they can to shield their children from hardships.
I knew someone who joked about her desire to shield her children from the bumps and bruises of life by wrapping them in bubble wrap. Of course, she was not serious about the bubble wrap. However, she, and many parents like her, over-protect her children to a crippling level. This friend, and many who think like her, neglect to see how those bumps in life are a necessary part of human development. Those bumps that bruise us build character and strength. A mindset of over-protection impedes a person from reaching their fully developed potential.
Suffering often brings out the best in people and has become a root catalyst for countless incredible advancements. For example, many of our utmost achievements, causes, and movements within society have developed out of a drive to defeat intense strife. Simply put, growth arises from the compulsion to conquer adversity and our burning desire to turn a tragedy into something good.
This drive to overcome adversity led to the Emancipation Proclamation. Also, the desire for freedom from racial discrimination birthed The Civil Rights Movement. Additionally, the plight of World War II led to the creation of UNICEF. These and countless other such movements would not exist without their founder’s exposure to extreme suffering and their committed work.
The Mission Birthed Out of My Hardships
The many decades of abuse I became victorious over is what drives my commitment. It is the reason I dedicate my time and effort to this mission to help others trapped in abuse break those chains and find freedom. The work I do through writing and speaking reaches innumerable people in need who seek guidance to overcome abuse. I could not provide such aid if not for the abusive hardships I conquered. What I learned by escaping abuse can be used as a roadmap of sorts for others in need. Consequently, I am honored and humbled that life placed me in a position that took on this valuable mission.
Regardless of all I have done to heal, wounds from my past remain with me. No matter how hard I work, they will never completely go away. They have become a part of my DNA. Yet, I haven’t allowed those scars to define me. Instead, I’ve chosen to turn my adversity around and use it for good. You, too, will never be liberated from your wounds. They will remain with you for the rest of your life. But, you can choose to transform them into a service to the many others who suffer. You can use your hardships as a tool to make this world a better place.
No One Can Do the Work for You!
But only you can do the work. People can guide and support you through the process, but no one can do the work for you.
In 2012, I escaped an abusive marriage of twenty-six years by moving into a shelter. That brave act set into motion a catalyst of actions that led to my healing and subsequent freedom. It took a leap of faith that day as I packed my bags and fled. I had no idea what my future life would look like.
At that time, I was wheelchair-bound due to the effects of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. It had ravaged my body to such an extent that I could not support myself. Regardless of this added hardship, I saw the threat to my continued life if I did not leave. So, I relocated to the shelter, where I would be safe and free from his abuse. However, I did not expect to discover that more than one level of freedom exists. Physically, I had found freedom, but mentally I had remained captive.
Regardless of how challenging physical freedom may be, it is far easier to achieve than mental freedom. Gaining this mental freedom took me nearly a decade of heavy therapy and hard work to learn a new way of thinking and being. Finally, after close to ten years of total dedication and determination, the joy of my new life seeped into my mind, crowding out depression and old thought patterns.
Sally
I have a friend who I will call Sally. Sally found herself stuck in an abusive marriage. Desperate for freedom, she called one day, announcing she would move in with us as a place of refuge. Sally would find physical safety under our roof, but that alone would not suffice. Our home could never provide Sally with the healing resources she needed to heal and become emotionally free.
I tried explaining to Sally that for true freedom, she would need the educational classes and therapy opportunities a shelter provides. Such resources offer the victim the necessary skills to create a different mental outlook on life. Without such a change, Sally and others in her position will soon find themselves in a similar situation, which they had escaped.
To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.
Repeating the Pattern of Victimhood
I am sad to say that most victims who physically escape abuse never find the courage to take this second step. As a result, they repeatedly fall back into the same pattern of victimhood, never being set free. Most victims who escape to shelters go back to their abuser or end up finding another abuser multiple times before they take this second crucial step toward mental freedom. I did this. I first ran to a shelter in 2000 but remained less than twenty-four hours before returning to my abuser.
When Sally called, demanding to move into our home, she was not ready to take the monumental step of realizing that life had programmed her to remain a victim. Instead of being willing to do the work to heal and undo her programming, she wanted me to do it for her. She followed the typical pattern and bounced in and out of various abuser’s homes. To find complete freedom, a person must transform their wounded past into strengths. That takes years of work and commitment.
The Hidden Diamond
When we see trials as a means of becoming the strong, beautiful person God intended us to be, we can discover the blessing within them. Going through the trials laid out in your path and not staying stuck in its midst refines you and deepens your character. A diamond would not shine with such glory without intense pressure. Look at your hardships as opportunities for life to press you into that precious, glimmering gem God created you to be.
This diamond philosophy is the concept behind my book, The Hidden Diamond. My main character, Aldous, digs through his tainted past and uncovers the precious diamond within him. By confronting his sins and seeking forgiveness, he begins to shine as God intended him to.
If you haven’t yet read The Hidden Diamond, I urge you to purchase a copy and delve into the treasures revealed within its pages.
Note To My Readers
Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can buy The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY-the-BOOK https://www.amazon.com/s?i=digital-. Two additional sites where you can find my books are https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.
Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.
Alexandra All souls are priceless no matter their past. A personal reason to testify. Assure myself with a pep talk. Boundaries Breaking Out Breathe into the space of peace. Complex CPTSD Continue to write for God. Difficult people can become a catalyst for growth. Discover My Newest Post Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Forgiveness Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift God chooses. Grace Enters Hope How I got out of the wheelchair. Installing Healthy Boundaries Invite Keep up the good work. Master New Skills My Mission My Story No meaningful journey exists without pitfalls. Note To My Readers Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Share my healing journey. Taboo topics have infiltrated people. Take the Challenge Thank you. The Behind Story The Hidden Diamond Transcend into healthy boundaries. Upcoming Posts We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know. Why I Write Writing Is My Passion Writing Mirrors Life You Are Worthy! Your Gain “When I am weak then I am strong.”
