Are You a People Pleaser?

Are you a people pleaser? I existed most of my life as a people pleaser. During my younger years, I molded myself after what I thought others had wanted me to be. I did this to fill my desperate desire to be loved and accepted. I held the misguided belief that if I nurtured my true self, allowing me to be me, I would be rejected. It took decades to discover that those who don’t accept me for who I am are not worth my time. It took even longer to uncover who I am and live life as my genuine self.

Why do people become people pleasers? In my case, it happened as a result of the abuse I had received during my childhood. My parents had imprinted their strong dogmatic opinions upon me, dictating who I should be and how I should react under every circumstance. They reinforced their doctrine by filling me with terror that I would burn in hell if I did not conform. This horrific fear of everlasting condemnation colored every action of mine.

In my case, people pleasing evolved from continuous trauma. Such trauma can make a person tolerant of those who treat them poorly. People close their eyes to unacceptable treatment due to their fear of losing someone important to them.

Like any child, I desperately wanted my parents’ love and acceptance. I did everything possible to receive that love and devoted every effort to being the “perfect child.” I believed if I were only “good enough,” they would love me.

Parents Are Illustrations of God

This brings me to a power all parents have. They become their children’s first illustration of God. As a result, children who grow up in loving families are more prone to believe in a loving God. However, sadly, the opposite is also true, as was the case for me—Children raised in abusive homes frequently see God as something to be feared. Consequently, they often turn from their Lord.

As much as I wanted to please Mother and Father and earn their love, I also wanted to please God. I didn’t want my Heavenly Parent to send me to Hell—the ultimate rejection. I had to heal and nurture inner strength before I realized that I should never lose myself in an attempt to please another, regardless of who that person may be.

God created me for a purpose. The only way I can live out that purpose is to develop into the person God created me to be, instead of becoming what someone else may want me to be. As a result of my healing, I’ve discovered myself. Now my only goal is to please God, whom I know with my whole heart loves me and would never reject me. No longer do I need to fear Hell. For I know I reside in the care of my Savior’s tender, loving hands.

My Plight

Lately, I have posted updates about the torn tendons in my hips and pelvis. As of the day I’m writing this, these tendons have worsened instead of healing, making it nearly impossible to do anything other than lie on the couch with a heating pad. I’m patiently waiting for a scheduled appointment with an orthopedic surgeon. It has even been excruciatingly painful to sit upright with my computer to write these blogs and other posts on my Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100089726133825, and on my page, Breaking Chains of Abuse with Author Crystal MM Huntley.

Due to my shakiness and poor vision, I find it difficult to do much more than make calls and send short text messages through my cellphone. Luckily, I have established the habit of creating blog postings all along. Often as much as two months in advance. This cushion allows me time to write new posts slowly and send them out on schedule.

Because of how bad my injury is, Rich and I had to cancel our annual trip downstate to see our mothers, both in their mid-eighties. As we kept our mothers up to date with my plight, both expressed concern and understanding. My mother emphasized her gratitude that I have Rich to take such good care of me.

Mother’s Phone Call

Even though I approach my mother with caution and exercise strict boundaries while around her, I can recognize and appreciate my mother’s growth. She has come a long way from the abusive woman she once was. For more on this, see https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2024/05/do-you-know-how-to-stop-being-a-victim/. I’m grateful that in Mother’s later years, we have found a way to build a level of connection between us.

However, habits are hard to break, especially when triggered. See https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2025/08/the-value-of-self-maintenance/. A week before our original departure date, Mother called. The direction her conversation took revealed that something had triggered her. As a result of this trigger, she reverted to old, unhealthy behaviors.

My mother, even at nearly eighty-nine, remains highly intelligent with a sharp mind. Yet she is an expert at “playing dumb.” As far back as I remember, I recall her behaving in this manner. Over time, I’ve discovered that she reverts to her old actions as a way of getting attention.

From what I know about Mother’s childhood, during her growing-up years, she did not receive an adequate amount of healthy attention. As frequently happens, when a person doesn’t receive enough positive attention, they seek attention in some other and often inappropriate way. In my mother’s case, that way is by pretending she is less than everyone else.

During this specific phone call, Mother feigned to forget that, due to my torn ligaments, we had canceled our trip. “Oh, I thought you were all better,” she insisted. Her comment completely contrasted with the words she spoke less than a week before. I instantly recognized that Mother had once again reverted to her old, dysfunctional methods of “playing dumb.”

We Are Slaves to What Controls Us.

After I had hung up the phone, I reacted to Mother’s comment with anger. I wasted a week stewing over the fact that once again, Mother had proved that I would never receive motherly love from her. She also confirmed why strict boundaries around her are a must. Mother’s action dominated my thoughts, stripping peace and joy from me. Like Peter has said, we are enslaved to whatever controls us. In that moment, I had become a slave to her.

To see more Crystalisms, visit https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Are You a People Pleaser?

When abuse takes over a person’s life, it’s usually caused by more than one impactful occurrence. Abuse can also result from the accumulation of small, hard-to-pinpoint, day-to-day words and actions done by another. This collection of harmful words can build up undetected bit by bit, making it difficult to recognize. Even more challenging, this type of abuse is hard to explain to others. Like all forms of abuse, it strips away a person’s self-esteem. As a result, victims of abuse often become people pleasers. But the good news is that we have the power to reclaim ourselves and rebuild what was taken from us.

Grasp onto that power, for rebuilding your self-esteem is an inside job. Regardless of what you have suffered, you, too, can be an overcomer.

Upcoming Posts

I invite you to join me next time to explore the precious commodity of time and how it can help us heal.

Note to My Readers

To further support your healing journey, I’ve added a direct access hotline/resource page to my website. Find it at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/resources/.

Writing is my passion. It is also an excellent healing tool. The beauty of fiction is that it allows you to create outcomes that don’t exist in the everyday world, which is why I have chosen to write my book in this genre. I pray that all who indulge in my written creations find entertainment and enjoyment, and that you also become inspired to move forward in your healing journey. I pray that all who indulge in my written creations find entertainment and enjoyment, and that you also become inspired to move forth in your healing journey.

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift here at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley.

An additional site where you can find my books is https://bkbookshoppe.com. However, if you prefer to purchase from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to break the chains of abuse. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site from which you purchased it. Your review will encourage others to seek out the path of healing.

***The Hidden Diamond*** – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

***Robin’s Gift*** – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is to fulfill her desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

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Parents Are Illustrations of God

My Plight

Mother’s Phone Call

We Are Slaves to What Controls Us.

Are You a People Pleaser?

Upcoming Posts

Note to My Readers

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