What is the best ultimate choice for you today? In everything, you have a choice. That choice may be small or monumental, whether you stay or leave. How do you react to a situation? The choice is yours to make.
What Makes the Difference?
For years, I have pondered the question of why I made it through the immense abuse from my past when so many others have not survived similar situations, either physically or with all their mental faculties intact. I battled through all that guck poured upon me and came out stronger. What made the difference in my situation? That profound, complicated question is multilayered. One that cannot be satisfied with a quick, easy answer.
No one person can ever see the complexity hidden within another. And also, no matter how exhaustive someone may search, it is impossible to get an adequate inside view of what another has endured. Not to mention, the same event affects each person in uniquely different ways. With that in mind, I will attempt to provide an answer to this puzzling question. So, here it goes.
Why do some people make it through abuse not only intact but even stronger while others break? Before I pour light into that baffling question, I must disclose that with each person involved, no one, not ever that individual, can ever perceive a complete explanation. However, Part of the answer lies in three things
- The person’s willingness to seek help with an open mind.
- Their readiness to soak in new knowledge.
- Their ability to tackle even the most challenging obstacles.
The Barrier of Shame
Shame provides an impenetrable barrier for many. Ross’s suffering (not his real name) leads to his inability to provide for himself. To compensate, he frequently asks for money from family members and friends. Rich and I once informed Ross of a food bank within walking distance from his home, but Ross refused to go. He associated a negative stigma with people who take “handouts” from an organization like that. Yet, in Ross’s mind, he views it acceptable to ask for handouts from those he knows.
Ross neglects to see that he is still asking for handouts. The difference is that he is asking of people he considers family instead of establishments with the resources to help those in need. Ross has twisted reality to excuse his actions with the dysfunctional belief that the people close to him are obliged to meet his needs, whatever they may be.
A Time-Proven Proverb
Do you remember this time-proven proverb?
“Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”
Ross has no interest in learning how to fish. Instead, he wants others to go fishing for him and throw him their catch. Responding to Ross’s demands would enable him in his problems, an action Rich and I will not do, even if it means Ross, in response, refuses to speak to us, which he on and off continues to do. A reaction such as that, which Ross chose, proves all the more that it would not be helpful to him to throw him a fish.
In my viewpoint, more honor exists in a person’s willingness to humble themselves and ask for help from organizations created to aid those in need than to guilt the people who love you into handing over money. Rich and I had recommended this specific church not only because of its ample food bank but also because of the many programs it provides to educate people out of desperate positions. In other words, it is a place that “teaches a person how to fish.” But Ross, like so many others, does not want to learn how to fish. Instead, they merely desire for someone to throw them a fish.
There Is No Shame in Seeking Help.
To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.
I have a friend—I will call her Denise—who suffered through similar tragedies as I have. The abuse she endured broke her emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. She stumbles through each day, shadowed by the harrowing memories and devastating effects of her past. Many who love Denise have reached out to support her in receiving the help she needs, but Denise refuses to accept their offers. You see, another villain Denise battles is a beast called Shame.
One of the many reasons why abuse affects a person their entire life is because abuse does not enter someone’s life singlehandedly. Any abusive action carries with it “partners in crime,” so to speak. One of the most common “partners in crime” is shame.
The abusive action, whatever it may be, devastates a particular moment in time, but its partner, shame, cements that violation to its victim, taking over their identity and very existence. Shame pours added poison into the victim’s soul. The only way to break free from its crippling effects is to face it head-on. Many people refuse to face this enemy because doing so can be frightening and takes years, even decades, of hard work. We human beings tend to want to take the easy way out. The problem with this desire is that there often is no easy way out, especially when it comes to healing from abuse.
Help Is Available
The good side to all this is we now live in a day and age where society is dragging abuse out from behind closed doors and bringing it into the light. Along with this enlightening, the stigma of therapy and receiving other such help is dissolving. My mother’s generation did not have such beneficial help. So, I implore all of you whom abuse has entered into your lives to SEEK HELP. Doing so is the only way to step out of your shame and allow the opportunity to turn something horrible into an asset for your and other’s benefit. In January 2024, I wrote a series of blogs to help victims find their way out of abuse.
- https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/revealing-7-abuse-forms-can-you-see-their-signs/(opens in a new tab)
- https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/physical-abuse-revealing-the-signs-can-you-see-them/(opens in a new tab)
- https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/sexual-abuse-revealing-the-signs-can-you-see-them/(opens in a new tab)
- https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/emotional-abuse-revealing-the-signs-can-you-see-them/(opens in a new tab)
- https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/financial-abuse-revealing-the-signs-can-you-see-them/(opens in a new tab)
- https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/religious-abuse-revealing-the-signs-can-you-see-them/(opens in a new tab)
- https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/legal-abuse-revealing-the-signs-can-you-see-them/(opens in a new tab)
- https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/domestic-violence-revealing-the-signs-can-you-see-them/(opens in a new tab)
- https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/do-you-know-the-six-important-steps-to-escape-abuse/(opens in a new tab)
Resources
Here are resources I’ve posted throughout that series and more.
- For child abuse, contact the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453.
- To receive help for sexual abuse, contact the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.
- For immediate assistance, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org (800-799-7233) or text “START” to 88788.
- For financial abuse, contact https://www.annuity.org/financial-literacy/financial-abuse/, https://www.pcadv.org/financial-abuse/
- You can find a guide on financial literacy for women at https://www.annuity.org/financial-literacy/women/
- DomesticShelters.org and safehorizon.org 1-800-621-HOPE will provide shelter, counseling, and legal assistance.
- loveisrespect.org, National Network to End Domestic Violence
- https://coda.org
Note To My Readers
Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can buy The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY-the-BOOK https://www.amazon.com/s?i=digital-. Two additional sites where you can find my books are https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.
Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.
Adult Physical Abuse—My Experience A Reinterpretation Balance Balancing on a Tightrope Boundaries Breaking Out By Giving You Receive Childhood Physical Abuse—My Experience Excerpt from The Hidden Diamond Find the Blessing Within Foster The Gratitude Attitude Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Happenings or Interpretations? Hope Invite My Experience New Year Resolution Note To My Readers Overcoming Depression Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Sacred Gift Bearing Seek Understanding Shame Has No Place Summer’s Story Surviving Dark Years Take a Step Back. Take the Challenge The Abuser The Commitment to Braking Chains of Abuse The Fantasy Flaw The Gift of Jesus The Hidden Diamond The Power of Gratitude The Tenth Commandment To My Readers Unhealed Wounds Unwittingly Harm Others. Upcoming Posts We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know. What Gift Will You Bring? Why I Write You Are Worthy! Your New Year’s Resolution
