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Do You Struggle with Being Defensive?

Do You Struggle with Being Defensive?

Do you struggle with being defensive? If so, how do you break free from the binding defensive chain links? People often mention how far I have come in my healing. I’m blessed to have a solid support group that reminds me of my progress. These friends and family enthusiastically cheer me on as I continue to navigate my healing path. I wish to remind you that healing is a journey, not a destination. Like any chain, Abuse’s Chain consists of numerous links. These links enwrap their victims with layer upon layer of heavy, tightly binding, and unforgiving links. I’ve successfully broken multiple links, yet still more remain. My healing work continues.

The achievements I’ve made ultimately have allowed me to shed many large sections of suffocating chains. However, as the top layers of the chain break apart and fall off, they reveal smaller binding chains that lie beneath. Previously shed chains often leave impressions upon the skin. These tattoo-like imprints serve as a reminder that the journey toward freedom becomes a part of who you are.

Breaking free from abuse is much more than the act of escaping an abuser, which alone is a monumental feat. Finding complete freedom from abuse includes liberation from deep-seated and often generational thought processes that hold a person in a space that makes them vulnerable. Facing such changes requires a level of bravery few people recognize.

What Makes a Victim

Abuse cannot happen without a willing victim. Please, don’t misunderstand me, for I place no accusation in this statement. Let me further explain. Most victims don’t recognize how their thoughts and actions hold them in a space that makes them vulnerable. It took me decades of challenging healing work to see this fact myself. This truth I’m stating is one reason a person cannot heal in isolation. Such a transformation requires outside support.

Abuse is often considered a generational curse because many victims act in ways they have been taught and groomed to act, often throughout generations. I wish to reiterate here that I say this without judgment or blame. I’m merely stating a fact, and this fact in no way lessens the abuser’s accountability. Recognizing such facts gives a person the power required to set themselves free. You can read more on this topic at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2023/10/speak-your-truth-part-1-how-to-claim-your-value/ and https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2023/10/speak-your-truth-part-2-how-to-claim-your-value/.

Without realizing it, many people act in ways that make them easy prey. Here are some examples:

  • Trusting indiscriminately
  • Naivety about relationship dynamics
  • Acting powerless
  • Normalizing unacceptable behaviors
  • Ignoring signs
  • Placing others on pedestals
  • Feeling helpless

A site that can help you learn how to prevent abuse is found at https://howtopreventabuse.org/who-is-most-likely-to-be-abused/. Additional resources to support you in breaking the chains of abuse are available at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/resources/.

Please remember, victim-like personality traits make them vulnerable, not at fault for being abused. Abusers often gaslight their victims by stating atrocious claims like “You got what you deserved!” Yet every abuser is fully responsible for their actions. I point out these victim-like traits, many of which I’ve had and to an extent still have, to help us claim our power.

The Healing Journey.

A person who has claimed their power significantly lessens their chances of being abused. Despite that, people often either shut themselves away from others, vowing never to trust again, or become harsh and act in ways that ultimately lead to them becoming abusers. Learning common traits of a victim helps a person recognize such behaviors within oneself, giving them the power to navigate a healthier pathway in their life.

I can look back at my younger self and see how I embodied the perfect mix of behaviors to become victimized. I was quiet, shy, naive, insecure, and painfully self-conscious. None of these traits alone definitively meant “victim,” yet, in me, the combination became a hazardous blend.

Healing is much more than a moment of breaking free. It’s a journey that requires commitment to work on yourself continuously. Healing polishes the facets of your diamond, not to change you, but to clear away the grime that covers you. Only then can you find your true self and shine with all the brilliance your loving Savior intended from the start, before the stains of this world covered your true self up.

In my book, The Hidden Diamond, I use the illustration of a diamond for this exact reason. Uncovering that diamond so it can shine in all its intended glory is the ultimate gift that results from breaking those binding chains. This diamond is a representation of your true, pure self and exists at your very core.

Do You Struggle with Being Defensive?

I’ve begun a sequel to The Hidden Diamond. I’ve developed my characters, have come up with a title, and have written over eighty pages. Yet each time I sit to move forward with this book, I struggle. Now, I wonder if my struggle is caused by smaller chains that have been exposed that I need to break free from before I can complete this book.

Lately, my healing journey has exposed new binding links. Rich and I have hit a challenging time in our lives. Times of challenge provide growth opportunities. I’ve stated in many recent blog posts how my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome has advanced to where my ligaments are fraying and shredding, causing me extensive pain.

My typical patient self dwindles as my pain levels persistently rise day after day with no significant relief. While going through this, Rich has been dealing with his own health challenges that required surgery. Due to Rich’s long, drawn-out healing process from his surgery, he hasn’t slept well for far too long. I’m sure you can imagine how his lack of sleep and my diminished patience don’t make a harmonious combination. This mix exposed a new section of chain enwrapped around me. I call this section of my chain The Defensive Links.

I clearly see how these defensive links were forged. They resulted from abusers making unjust accusations against me. As a result, I developed an acute awareness of anything that resembled accusations. I formed a defensive muscle and trained it to respond quickly. After decades of exercising this muscle, it now functions like a reflex, often at inappropriate times. But I have a choice. I can move through each day, allowing crankiness to overtake me and provide reasons to defend myself, whether appropriate or not. Or I can use the current situation as an opportunity to pick up my bolt cutters and set myself free from yet another layer of suffocating links.  I chose to pick up those bolt cutters.

Do You Struggle with Being Defensive?
Do You Struggle with Being Defensive?

Self-Worth’s Value

A solid self-worth is fundamental for healing, yet we often must heal to gain self-worth. It’s a vicious cycle. One is needed for the other to occur. Through many of my recent Crystalisms, I’ve repeated the theme of self-worth. Because I know the pain of feeling insignificant, I don’t want others to suffer from that plight. I’ve discovered that helping others heal also moves me forward on my own healing journey.

We were all created with worth. Honor your worth by supporting your healing journey. Pick up those bolt cutters and slice through those chain links that bind you.

Upcoming Posts

I invite you to join me next time to explore what to do when in crisis.

Note to My Readers

To further support your healing journey, I’ve added a direct access hotline/resource page to my website. You can view it at https://crystalmmhuntley.com/resources/.

Writing is my passion. It is also an excellent healing tool. The beauty of fiction is that it allows you to create outcomes that don’t exist in the everyday world. This is why I have chosen to write my book in this genre. May all who indulge in my written creations find entertainment, enjoyment, and inspiration to move forth in your healing journey.

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamondand Robin’s Gift there at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley.

Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is to fulfill her desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?
The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

Alexandra All souls are priceless no matter their past. A personal reason to testify. Assure myself with a pep talk. Boundaries Breaking Out Breathe into the space of peace. Complex CPTSD Continue to write for God. Discover My Newest Post Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Forgiveness Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift God chooses. Grace Enters Hope How I got out of the wheelchair. Installing Healthy Boundaries Invite Keep up the good work. Master New Skills My Mission My Story Note To My Readers Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Share my healing journey. Taboo topics have infiltrated people. Take the Challenge Thank you. The Behind Story The Effects Gaslighting Had on Me The Hidden Diamond Transcend into healthy boundaries. Upcoming Posts We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know. Why I Share Why I Write Writing Is My Passion Writing Mirrors Life You Are Worthy! Your Gain “When I am weak then I am strong.”

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