Speak your truth (part 1) – how to claim your value. Make your voice heard and, like a phoenix, rise above the ashes. This week, we will cover stages one and two in this three-part series.
Why do I continue to write on such a controversial topic as abuse, especially sexual abuse? I do this because I know firsthand the life-long damage such cruelty inflicts on a person. I know how it shatters lives and destroys dreams. Through my own experiences, I have discovered multiple stages of healing. Moving through those phases, I journeyed toward new-found freedom.
Stage One—Denial
Denial can be used as an effective survival tactic when trapped within the claws of abuse. For the most part, I existed within this phase throughout my entire childhood and beyond. To survive the horrors around me, I instinctively created a fantasy world. Within this realm of imagination, I had convinced myself that prominent people in my life loved, protected, and cherished me. This world of denial produced crucial survival tools. These tools gave me the capability to separate mentally from my physical body. I did this whenever the most atrocious violations occurred. This protected my mind, but it also strengthened my denial.
When doused in trauma, denial is crucial for preserving the mind. For that reason, it is essential and deserves thanks for helping keep victims alive and whole during the most severe traumatic incidents. But if a person remains too long within this stage, it will cripple them. A victim who does not move beyond the denial stage grows ripe to become abusers themselves.
The Hidden Diamond
Aldous, my main character in The Hidden Diamond, is a perfect example. Instead of moving out of this first crucial stage, Aldous became an expert in hiding from his truth. There is a significant problem with this methodology. No matter how much effort a person may put into rejecting their past, reality does not go away.
Like holding a beachball underwater, the deeper you push it below the surface, the harder it becomes to contain. Eventually, you will lose your grip. The ball will fling into full view with a force equal to that which it was held. Because Aldous never took the steps to move forward, he, once a victim, became an abuser. Instead of breaking those generational chains, his refusal to heal forged additional links.
The ability to keep my subconscious intact while listening to the still-small voice pulled me out of this first stage. I retained memories from my childhood of questioning the dogmatic judgments my parents instilled within me. To survive that timeframe, I did not act on my skepticism. Nonetheless, those thoughts never left my mind. As I matured, my reservations transformed, becoming life-saving ropes that pulled me out of my parents’ abusive trap.
I went through this same pattern during the twenty-six years with my children’s father. Again, those life-saving ropes tugged at me, counteracting narcissistic bully-induced lies with God-given truths. Cling to those truths. They speak loudly to all of us. The more you choose to listen, the more precise they will become. The challenge is that we become comfortable with what we are familiar with. To move away from brainwashing lies, one must be willing to move into the uncomfortable.
Stage Two—Victim
Once someone’s eyes open to the denial they existed in, they must face the reality that they are a victim. For those with uncompromising egos, this realization provides a considerable challenge. Many equate a victim with weakness and vulnerability—an identity that goes directly against the ego-ridden code of conduct.
Because the abuse I suffered through stripped me of self-worth, I escaped the challenge an over-inflated ego provides. The upside is that once my eyes began to open, it took little effort to slip into stage two. But here is the drawback. To move past stage one, the victim, I first had to find my worth. This achievement became extra challenging for me. That struggle resulted from striving to build internal value during the twenty-six-year timeframe that I existed with an abuser.
The only way to formulate a healthy sense of self is by claiming your worth because you are God’s child. Consider the intense love that our Savior has for you to fight against evil and set you free.
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Join me next week as we continue this topic and reveal more stages of healing.
Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my book, The Hidden Diamond, BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley, and support my mission to break the chains of abuse.
Adult Physical Abuse—My Experience A Reinterpretation Balance Balancing on a Tightrope Boundaries Breaking Out By Giving You Receive Childhood Physical Abuse—My Experience Excerpt from The Hidden Diamond Find the Blessing Within Foster The Gratitude Attitude Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Happenings or Interpretations? Hope Invite My Experience New Year Resolution Note To My Readers Overcoming Depression Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Sacred Gift Bearing Seek Understanding Shame Has No Place Summer’s Story Surviving Dark Years Take a Step Back. Take the Challenge The Abuser The Commitment to Braking Chains of Abuse The Fantasy Flaw The Gift of Jesus The Hidden Diamond The Power of Gratitude The Tenth Commandment To My Readers Unhealed Wounds Unwittingly Harm Others. Upcoming Posts We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know. What Gift Will You Bring? Why I Write You Are Worthy! Your New Year’s Resolution
