Turning weaknesses into strengths, is it possible? Few explore this uncommon concept, yet it baffles many. For instance, how can surviving a natural disaster but losing everything be a strength? It seems almost insensitive to say that the untimely loss of a loved one, ripping a heart to shreds, could ever be seen as a strength. Illnesses weaken the body, so how can they make a person stronger? And abuse weakens the spirit, so again, how can any victim gain strength from such unacceptable actions?
A Weakness Revealed
To receive the medical care needed to help me manage the multiple symptoms caused by Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, I frequently see a slew of specialty doctors. A whirlwind of these medical appointments has filled this month of October. One of these appointments included a visit to a Vision Therapist.
Over the past multiple years, I have struggled increasingly with sight issues for which the standard ophthalmologist has been unable to provide solutions. As the day of this vision therapy appointment arrived, my hopes remained high that they could offer ways to help me. The results of this appointment revealed just how severe my eye challenges are. The team of vision therapists I saw gave me a clear explanation as to why I struggle so much to see. Only fifty-four percent of my vision remains intact.
Many of the issues impairing my vision result from the Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, but not all. Their tests revealed an additional reason why I see nothing crisp and clear. It also explains why I frequently bump into things when I swear I shouldn’t. They also answered why I could only engage in computer work and reading for a short time without my eyes burning. For years, I have been seeing with mild double vision.
When I asked what would cause double vision, the possible answers they gave included traumatic brain injury. They asked if I had any incidents of significant head wounds in my past. The honest answer is yes.
How it Happened
I was four years old when it happened. My sister, CD Kreger, writes about it in her book Face the Storm, https://www.amazon.com/Face-Storm-C-D-Kreger/dp/B0BZN86Q4Y.
The school bus had already picked up my sister, and our father had left for work, leaving Mother and me alone. While sitting in the kitchen, I tipped over a glass of milk. The white liquid pooled onto the table, forming a steady stream that trickled onto Mother’s pristine vinyl floor. Fear shot through me. My eyes darted toward my mother, who had a history of quickly erupting into fits of rage.
Seeing the far-too-familiar distinctive shift in her expression, I shot from the chair and dashed out the back door toward the forest behind our backyard chain-link fence. Mother ran screaming after me. The feel of my feet against the wire links I scrambled up seared a permanent memory into my mind. Glancing back, I saw Mother grab a heavy stone. I turned away and frantically climbed to the top of the fence when I felt a heavy strike against the back of my head. Everything went black.
In my next memory, I sat on the front porch steps of a neighbor’s house, whose it was, I cannot tell, as the sun set low in the western sky. I held a sippy cup in my hand, trying to drink the contents within, but my upper lip could not draw fluid up through the built-in straw. To this day, I can vividly see my swollen face.
The Aftermath
My sister tells me that friends of hers found me unconscious in the woods later that day when they returned from school. They carried me to their house, where their mother provided me with initial first aid, then brought me to my home. My sister remembers me asleep in the bottom bunk alone in our bedroom while our parents sat in the kitchen. They discussed why they could not take me to a doctor. It would look bad for Father’s career. Father worked for the Child Welfare Department.
After that monumental day, my parents enrolled me in preschool. Mind you, this occurred in the late 1960s. Back then, only wealthy children had the privilege of attending preschool. When my sister was my age, she begged our parents to enroll her in preschool. Our parents made it clear they would not waste their money on such a frivolous expense. However, after this incident where Mother hit me in the back of the head with a heavy rock, rendering me unconscious, Father confided in my sister, a frequent habit of his, that he feared Mother would kill me if left alone with her. So, to “keep me alive,” he enrolled me in preschool.
During my growing-up years, I struggled in school. My mother often laughed and said that my learning challenges must have resulted from the head injury I received at age four. She always added, “I guess we should have taken you to a doctor. Oh well.”
Assessments given in my adult years have shown that I suffer from cognitive impairments, including very little short-term memory, all attributed to that monumental day. And now, these vision therapy tests uncover yet another result from the abuse of that past day.
Forgiveness
Each day, I must make a choice. Do I allow bitterness and resentfulness to enter me, or do I forgive? https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2023/07/why-make-the-unpopular-choice-to-forgive/. I chose forgiveness. This choice may not always be easy, but it is the only choice that will lead me to a life of freedom and joy.
The path of forgiveness is not always an easy journey to take. It took me decades of hard work to arrive at this space with my mother. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. And it’s not letting the offender off the hook. See https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2023/09/find-freedom-through-forgiveness/. It means freeing yourself from the past. One reason I can forgive my mother is because I have had clear views into enough windows that highlight the hardships she has encountered in her past. These insights allow me to see my mother as the wounded child she is. In my ongoing relationship with my mother, I always keep in mind her many limitations and areas where she remains untrustworthy. So, I exercise extreme boundaries around her, https://coda.org, but forgiveness has softened my heart.
Forgiveness toward my father provides a much more demanding challenge. Unlike my mother, throughout his adult years, he held positions of authority coupled with education. He consciously chose to use those assets as platforms to raise himself above others. Even in his dying days, he uttered narcissistic, pompous phrases, glorifying himself, see https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2024/02/religious-abuse-can-you-see-the-signs/. I hope to someday get to the space where I can forgive him, too.
Forgiveness is a process that cannot be rushed. Allow yourself the time you need to go through the steps and rejoice in where you are on the forgiveness ladder. Each rung holds value.
Turning My Weakness into a Strength
The results of abuse become weaknesses. Making the choice not to forgive invokes powerlessness in an already fragile situation. But forgiveness provides newly formed strength, transforming weaknesses into assets. God placed in me the gift of writing. However, without forgiveness, I would not be using that talent in ways that reach out to others trapped in abuse to find freedom. My abuse has become a strength, giving me the ability to help.
God does not make bad things happen. However, because of the gift of free agency our Savior blessed us all with, bad things continue to occur. Sometimes God will interfere, but more often, He will use such hardships to glorify Him, as stated in John 9:3, “This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” As a result, daily, I pray that God uses every part of me, my weaknesses, and all for His glory.
As part of turning my weaknesses into strengths, I also have come to accept that it may not be in God’s plan to rid me of the effects of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome or restore my vision. Unless my Lord chooses to heal more aspects of this syndrome, I must choose to manage my life around these weaknesses.
I must accept the reality that because of my health challenges, I cannot continue at the pace I have been going. Because of my eye issues, I find it challenging and even painful as my eyes strain to work on the computer and read. To better take care of the vision I have, I decided I need to cut back, so instead of posting a blog every week as I have done over the past eighteen months, I am cutting back to every other week. I hope that in doing so, you, my readers, will continue accessing my site and reading my posts.
Note To My Readers
I invite you to join me next week as I expand more on this topic of healing.
Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift here at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley. However, if you prefer to purchase my books from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N.
Each purchase of my books supports my mission to break the chains of abuse. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.
Alexandra All souls are priceless no matter their past. A personal reason to testify. Assure myself with a pep talk. Boundaries Breaking Out Breathe into the space of peace. Complex CPTSD Continue to write for God. Difficult people can become a catalyst for growth. Discover My Newest Post Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Forgiveness Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift God chooses. Grace Enters Hope How I got out of the wheelchair. Installing Healthy Boundaries Invite Keep up the good work. Master New Skills My Mission My Story No meaningful journey exists without pitfalls. Note To My Readers Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Share my healing journey. Taboo topics have infiltrated people. Take the Challenge Thank you. The Behind Story The Hidden Diamond Transcend into healthy boundaries. Upcoming Posts We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know. Why I Write Writing Is My Passion Writing Mirrors Life You Are Worthy! Your Gain “When I am weak then I am strong.”
