Nine steps to follow if you’re being abused. Finding one’s way out of abuse is no easy task. Since it is a path I have trod, I wish to share some steps I’ve learned to assist you on your journey.
Step 1: Saying Goodbye to Denial
The first step in finding your way out of abuse is the willingness to open your eyes to the truth surrounding you. To begin with, you must be willing to give up denial. In many ways, this may be the most rigorous step. This is because that denial has kept you safe.
As a child, denying reality gave me the ability to obey my father and remain safe from his wrath. Denial became my friend. It helped me survive an unbearable situation. This service is why the first step in healing is to thank that old friend for how well it has served you, then tell it goodbye.
This first step is challenging to many because their old life of denial has become their comfort zone. We all seek out comfort. It is unnatural to move into the uncomfortable, especially when done on purpose, but without making this shift, things will never change. Many who I know and love have opened their eyes to the abuse they exist in, yet they remain within those traps simply because they are unwilling to do the work it takes to step out of their comfort zone.
Step 2: Find a Support System
To escape the clutches of this heinous abuse is not an easy task. The way out will look different for each of us; however, no one can achieve this in isolation. To be successful, you must seek outside help.
Don’t expect the path toward freedom to guide you gradually on an up-road journey. As you venture forward, you will face multiple switchbacks, as referenced in the old phrase, “two steps forward and one step back.” When you fall backward, don’t despair. After all, value exists within this zigzag pattern. Each time you step back and repeat a phase of your healing voyage, you strengthen your newfound foundation.
The good news is you don’t have to take this journey alone. In today’s world, ample help exists. I join you today as a part of that help and to provide you with such support. Because I have traveled this journey and, in doing so, have severed chains of abuse, freeing myself from its tight grip, I know first-hand the trials such a venture can hold. I am living proof that the joy of freedom is worth the sacrifice. As a result, helping people find their way out of such abuse has become a dedicated mission of mine.
Step 3: Find Space
I am sure you have heard the phrase, “You can’t see the forest for the trees.” I found truth within that expression. A person doesn’t know what they don’t know. When I was a child, I knew no other reality. I had no idea what “normal life” consisted of. I had to escape all the toxic influences before I could see with clarity the severity of my predicament. In my case, that meant breaking off all connections with my parents for many years. I’m not necessarily endorsing this plan, but it may be necessary in certain circumstances.
Step 4: Embrace Your Past Self
As illustrated in my book, Robin’s Gift, I also had a burning ceremony. In my desire to cleanse my old self and build a new identity, I gathered everything I found that represented my past and threw it into a huge bonfire. I do not necessarily recommend this act. After the fire burnt down and nothing but a pile of ashes sat before me, instead of the sense of freedom from my past that I expected, I felt empty sorrow. As I’ve healed, I’ve discovered that no matter how much “bad” had existed within that representation of my past, good also prevailed among it. By burning everything, I turned the good to ashes along with the bad.
Keep in mind that the past is a part of who you are. You cannot find yourself by turning your back on your former self. You must embrace your past self and thank that former you for all it did to bring the present you to this current moment in time. Remember, everything you experience is a part of your unique journey. By embracing all of it, you build strength in your God-given identity.
However, embracing your past does not require that you remain in relationships that harm you. Sometimes, to heal, a person may need to step away from those you once leaned on. In some situations, this healing may mean being willing to sever certain relationships.
Step 5: Finding New Support Systems
As you leave your world of abuse behind, don’t be surprised when people you thought would always support you suddenly turn against you.
When I fled to a shelter in 2012, many I called friends turned their backs on me. Some of them insisted that I acted against God by abandoning my marriage. Such comments create more abuse, making it more difficult for victims to leave their abuser and hold them in potentially dangerous situations. These friends are examples of those I had to walk away from to fulfill my healing. But walking away from such people creates an open space for new, healthier friendships to form.
To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.
Healing is a journey, not a destination, so embrace the journey. Create routines that support your new endeavor.
Step 6: Positive Self-Talk
An abused person loses their sense of God-given value. As a result, their self-talk is often quite destructive. Chances are you never would say such hurtful phrases to another. To counteract this habit, look at the scripture “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31) from a slightly different angle. Love yourself as you love your neighbor. Furthermore, be alert to what you tell yourself, step into the uncomfortable, and change your rhetoric to words that nurture you.
Step 7: Take Time with God
Make time with God through prayer and Scripture reading daily. I can’t think of a more important step than this one. Sadly, religious abusers present warped reflections of God and notoriously twist scripture. The only way to discover the truth of God, His ever-abiding Love, His Grace, and His Word is by personally delving into scripture and getting to know Him, your Lord and Savior, on your own.
Step 8: CoDA
I believe a person cannot be a victim of abuse or an abuser without also being codependent. An abuser needs a victim, and a victim remains in that role because of their dependency on the abuser. Learning and working the steps of CODA helps a victim break out of that cycle. One of the many additional benefits of practicing these steps is that it teaches healthy boundaries.
Step 9: Self-Maintenance
Healing is hard work. Any engine left to run continuously will soon burn out. Take time out for self-maintenance, rest, and enjoy your life.
Here is a list of resources to help you escape abuse.
- If you know of a child who is being abused contact Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453.
- For Sexual abuse, contact the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.
- If you need immediate assistance, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at https://www.thehotline.org (800-799-7233) or text “START” to 88788.
- For financial abuse, contact https://www.annuity.org/financial-literacy/financial-abuse/, https://www.pcadv.org/financial-abuse/.
- You can find a guide on financial literacy for women at https://www.annuity.org/financial-literacy/women/.
- DomesticShelters.org and safehorizon.org 1-800-621-HOPE will provide shelter, counseling, and legal assistance.
- loveisrespect.org, National Network to End Domestic Violence
- CoDA.org
Note To My Readers
Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can buy The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY-the-BOOK https://www.amazon.com/s?i=digital-. Two additional sites where you can find my books are https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.
Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.
Alexandra All souls are priceless no matter their past. A personal reason to testify. Assure myself with a pep talk. Boundaries Breaking Out Breathe into the space of peace. Complex CPTSD Continue to write for God. Difficult people can become a catalyst for growth. Discover My Newest Post Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Forgiveness Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift God chooses. Grace Enters Hope How I got out of the wheelchair. Installing Healthy Boundaries Invite Keep up the good work. Master New Skills My Mission My Story No meaningful journey exists without pitfalls. Note To My Readers Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Share my healing journey. Taboo topics have infiltrated people. Take the Challenge Thank you. The Behind Story The Hidden Diamond Transcend into healthy boundaries. Upcoming Posts We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know. Why I Write Writing Is My Passion Writing Mirrors Life You Are Worthy! Your Gain “When I am weak then I am strong.”
