Do you know how to move into a better future? Changing well-established patterns is not easy, yet this modification is a necessary skill to learn to avoid repeating the past.
Have you ever driven down a dirt road where what started as a smooth lane has become deep etched-in trenches caused by the many previous vehicles that have traveled this pathway before you? While traveling on such a road, the driver must navigate it with extra care to keep their tires from dropping into those trenches. If their tires fall into those deep grooves, even with four-wheel drive, it can be challenging to navigate the wheels of your vehicle back out and onto a flatter, more solid surface.
In much the same way, repeated behavior patterns create etched Gullie—habits—within our brains. When a specific repeated behavior serves us in a healthy life, these habits can become beneficial; however, if the recurring action or thought causes harm, such trenches can keep us stuck in dysfunction. If kept unchecked and these gullies become deep enough, the dysfunctional behavior will pass from generation to generation.
Missing the Mark
This concept described, I believe, is what is meant by the “generational curse” spoken of in Exodus 34:7. This scripture teaches us that “[God] punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” Before I go on, I wish to help smooth out a trench that may be etched into your brain and broaden your concept of “sin.” So many of us have been led to believe that sin is equivalent to eternal condemnation. I discuss the root meaning of sin in my previous blogs https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2024/06/are-you-a-workaholic/ and https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2024/03/suicide-its-a-devastating-effect-of-abuse-how-to-get-help/.
The word “sin” originated from an ancient Greek term that means “to miss the mark.” Knowing this fact removes the stigma from that act and reminds us that, as humans, we can expect frequently to miss the mark. And when we miss that mark, it is up to us to step back and try again from a new angle. A part of doing this action is where forgiveness enters in. See https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2023/06/have-you-ever-wondered-how-to-find-a-better-angle/.
How Do You Move into a Better Future?
When it comes to those treacherous etched-in behavioral pattern grooves, how does a person start again without falling back in and becoming trapped? Such an achievement requires hard work and a willingness to view things from an angle that differs from what you are familiar with. But with commitment, anyone can do it.
Move Away from the Victim Groove
Throughout many of my blog posts, I have shared multiple aspects of the abuse that I have suffered during childhood and the twenty-six years spent with my children’s father. Each day I existed in that abuse, harmful patterns etched deeper and deeper within my thought and behavior patterns.
Pulling oneself out of such trenches is not for the faint of heart, but even so, anyone can do it. It took me years and years of hard work and the guidance of multiple good therapists to achieve freedom. One of the reasons I write these blogs is to share what I have learned during my journey to ease the pathway for you who also wish for such freedom.
Many sites exist on the web that can help you know what to look for when finding a good therapist. Here is the link to one of these sites. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201108/13-qualities-look-in-effective-psychotherapist?msockid=09071ffefaca61f9355f0b56fb4c60da.
During my years of abuse, my trenches grew so deep, that they became all I knew. As they increased, I developed a sense of comfort within them. They provided me with a sense of shelter. Climbing out exposed me to many new and unfamiliar aspects of the world that, to succeed, I had to be willing to explore.
I also had to give up my identity. For decades, I had become known as a victim. I had to be willing to give up that identification tag and claim another, more supportive identity. Such a process has its scary moments, but truth rings in this well-known phrase.
“Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.” -Aisha Tyler
You Must Escape the Past to Move into a Better Future.
Have you witnessed someone escape one abusive relationship only to fall into another and repeat this pattern over and over again? Such a pattern happens because either they don’t know how to make the changes needed to climb out of their rut, or they may not want to do the work required to escape such well-established patterns. Norman Vincent Peale has penned a quote similar to Aisha Tyler’s, but he worded it differently.
Nothing of great value in this life comes easily. The things of highest value sometimes come hard. The gold that has the greatest value lies deepest in the earth, as do the diamonds.” -Norman Vincent Peale
I love his way of expressing this idea because his quote fits nicely with the concept I placed in my first book, The Hidden Diamond. Natalie from Robin’s Gift provides the perfect example of someone who steps out of their dysfunctional past and moves into a better future.
How to Help Someone to Move into a Better Future
Survivors of abuse often require the support of a trusted friend to help them move out of familiar patterns that hold them as victims and step into freedom. If you are or wish to be that friend, your foundational action must be patience as the victim moves forward at their pace. Provide a listening ear and be present. Help them feel heard and know that they are not alone. In doing this, you are providing them with a safe space.
When they are ready, offer helpful resources such as those I listed in https://crystalmmhuntley.com/2024/02/do-you-know-the-six-important-steps-to-escape-abuse/.
If you have questions on how to escape abuse, or how to help a friend find such freedom, feel free to message me below. I will happily share what I can to assist.
Upcoming Posts
I hope you join me next time as I share how to move forward despite shattered dreams.
Note to My Readers
Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift here at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley.
An additional site where you can find my books is https://bkbookshoppe.com. However, if you prefer to purchase from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N.
Each purchase of my books supports my mission to break the chains of abuse. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.
Alexandra All souls are priceless no matter their past. A personal reason to testify. Assure myself with a pep talk. Boundaries Breaking Out Breathe into the space of peace. Complex CPTSD Continue to write for God. Difficult people can become a catalyst for growth. Discover My Newest Post Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Forgiveness Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift God chooses. Grace Enters Hope How I got out of the wheelchair. Installing Healthy Boundaries Invite Keep up the good work. Master New Skills My Mission My Story No meaningful journey exists without pitfalls. Note To My Readers Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Share my healing journey. Taboo topics have infiltrated people. Take the Challenge Thank you. The Behind Story The Hidden Diamond Transcend into healthy boundaries. Upcoming Posts We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know. Why I Write Writing Is My Passion Writing Mirrors Life You Are Worthy! Your Gain “When I am weak then I am strong.”
