Learn how to spot 22 ways that rob your joy. They commonly hide within many of us. Nonetheless, we often have no clue they are there stealing precious aspects from our lives. Comparison is a thief to joy. God made you a precious diamond, no more and no less valuable than anyone else. Regardless of how often someone may have told you differently, please, don’t believe them. The truth is you are worthy.
This truth is a concept I have struggled to learn. As a child, my parents and life’s circumstances taught me to be always subservient to others. That destructive viewpoint of life massively damaged my self-esteem. When a person’s self-esteem is wounded, it affects their decision-making. That is what happened to me. In addition, it made me hungry for what I saw as love and attention. Back then, I had no idea I sought after the type of attention that only caused further harm and enforced even more the concept that I lacked worth. As a result, it took me decades to escape this destructive cycle.
I am not the only one who spent years trapped in such a cycle. However, I am one of the blessed ones who found a way out. Far too many people spend their entire lives running circles on this perpetual hamster wheel, never discovering how to flee its continuous spin. To see more on this, go to my blog post, Are You Being Misguided by Lies with Important Decisions? https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/are-you-being-misguided-by-lies-with-important-decisions/(opens in a new tab).
In my book Robin’s Gift, a trap such as what I am referring to has held Melody tight since childhood. Due to early-on training, the concept that others can help her handle responsibilities never entered her mind.
From Robin’s Gift
That seemed to have always been the case in Melodly’s life. It may have resulted as a natural outcome of Melody being the oldest of eight children. But whatever the reason, she never could successfully shake that extreme tendency toward responsibility drilled into her mind, enforcing that no matter the task, it was up to her, alone, to make it happen. Consequently, here again, Melody found herself in the same position, where her shoulders alone must bear the better part of the responsibility.
So what within Melody’s past caused her to feel that she must tackle monumental responsibilities alone? And in addition, what new occurrence drew Melody back into this old way of thinking? Furthermore, does she grow and allow others to share the burden? To find out, read Robin’s Gift https://amzn.to/3vjaRh7.
What Keeps You in Control?
People often falsely think they must act forcefully to remain in control. But the truth is just the opposite. An over-controlling behavior stems from intense insecurity. Mix a lack of trust in others with not feeling worthy of healthy support, and you will create a toxic recipe. If you feast continuously on such a dish, you will poison your soul.
How do you know if you have been feasting on this toxic cuisine? Look for the signs. They always exist. Here is a list of some of these signs.
22 Signs: Do You…
- Lack trust in yourself.
- Find it difficult to make decisions.
- Take other people’s opinions over your own.
- Get suspicious that people are talking about you.
- See yourself as a people pleaser.
- Feel needy.
- Feel unworthy.
- Find that it is challenging to speak up.
- Hold a negative images of yourself, both physically and otherwise.
- Find it difficult to maintain healthy relationships.
- Cling onto childish habits.
- Engage in negative self-talk.
- Continuously compare yourself with others.
- Fear expressing yourself.
- Maintain a poor body image.
- Uphold a pour posture.
- Not take criticism well.
- Avoid social gatherings.
- Foster hostility.
- Remain excessively preoccupied with your appearance or other aspects of yourself.
- Struggle with conditions like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse, and sexual abuse.
- Second guess yourself instead of trusting your instincts.
This list is ongoing. I encourage you to examine this checklist and look for signs that you need a self-esteem boost. Chances are, anyone who is or once was victimized by abuse suffers from one or multiple forms of low self-esteem. Taking away a person’s sense of worth is one of the devastating aftermaths abuse leaves on its victims. It is a fundamental reason victims find it so difficult to escape.
Rebuilding Your Life
I suffered many of those previously mentioned traits. Yet, with persistence and God-led guidance, I overcame most of them. I’ve since then moved on to a much healthier life. Rebuilding your sense of self-worth is not easy. However, anyone can reach this goal. To do so, surround yourself with strong, healthy people who accept you for who you are. They also must not enable you in any way. Along with that, a good therapist goes a long way in helping you find your worth.
Building up your self-esteem is one of the methods I use to advocate against abuse. Someone who nurtures their self-value is far less vulnerable to falling into an abuser’s carefully laid out traps. Abusers whittle down their victim’s sense of worth to almost nothing, making them feel undeserving of joy.
Abuse’s Effects on Me
As a result of the abuse I suffered, I battled depression most of my life. See https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/suicide-its-a-devastating-effect-of-abuse-how-to-get-help/(opens in a new tab).
I also developed traits of anorexia. Growing up in the 80s did not help. The female TV and movie stars who dominated the screen sported one body type—skinny, skinny, skinny. Such a continuously viewed image contributed to my poor body image. Being a young, impressionistic girl aching to fit in, I felt ashamed of my hourglass figure that began to form. I went to great extremes to temper my curves. To hide them, I twisted together my hands in front of me and drew my shoulders into a slump. I am pleased to say that now, however, I find beauty in all body shapes, including mine.
Still today, I must remain vigilant to not fall into carved-out habits that resulted from the abuse I had endured. When someone lacks self-worth, they tend to place that worth on something outside themselves. How well I kept my home became one of those areas.
As stated at the beginning of this blog, comparison is a thief to joy. I lost many joyous opportunities over the years, worrying about how my home looked. Every time I stepped into an immaculate house, another chunk of joy got chiseled from my heart. Then, when medical issues get heavy, managing daily housekeeping becomes even more difficult. I fought this challenge throughout the latter part of this past winter. Such a challenge causes the battle of comparison to increase.
Escaping these traps is an ongoing daily practice one must exercise to become free. The good news is that these battles do lessen in intensity with time.
The Gift of Individuality
Raise your head and rejoice, for there is a sure way out of a trap such as comparison. Keep in mind that Our Maker did not create us to think, look, or act alike. God used His creative energy to make us all individuals. Celebrate that individuality by seeing beauty in differences. Being of one mind and one spirit, as stated in Philippians 2:2, does not call us to look, think, and act alike. On the contrary, that scripture reference refers to the interconnection of the Holy Spirit.
To remain strong in character and solid in truth, I often refer to one of my favorite scriptures, 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10.
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”
To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.
Keep up the good fight. Hold tight to what gives you strength. Always remember, you are worth it! Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Note To My Readers
Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can buy The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY-the-BOOK https://www.amazon.com/s?i=digital-. Two additional sites where you can find my books are https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.
Each purchase of my books supports my mission to break the chains of abuse. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.
Adult Physical Abuse—My Experience A Reinterpretation Balance Balancing on a Tightrope Boundaries Breaking Out By Giving You Receive Childhood Physical Abuse—My Experience Excerpt from The Hidden Diamond Find the Blessing Within Foster The Gratitude Attitude Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Happenings or Interpretations? Hope Invite My Experience New Year Resolution Note To My Readers Overcoming Depression Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Sacred Gift Bearing Seek Understanding Shame Has No Place Summer’s Story Surviving Dark Years Take a Step Back. Take the Challenge The Abuser The Commitment to Braking Chains of Abuse The Fantasy Flaw The Gift of Jesus The Hidden Diamond The Power of Gratitude The Tenth Commandment To My Readers Unhealed Wounds Unwittingly Harm Others. Upcoming Posts We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know. What Gift Will You Bring? Why I Write You Are Worthy! Your New Year’s Resolution
